If you make the conscious decision to ensure your home always smells like a Planet Fitness locker room, the funk fumes must do strange things to your brain. For instance, the amount of soap and water not being used to cleanse away weird thoughts at Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell‘s house is clearly making them forget some ideas don’t have to become words. But since Dax is a dealer of phrases and sounds through his Armchair Expert podcast he’s continuing his tradition as the TMI King. And in a recent interview with Anna Kendrick, he thought there should be a segment titled “My wife is jealous of you!“, which I’m sure caused Anna to feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. Or maybe she was just trying to hold back her vomit from his body odor.
People reports that John Stamos went on Dax Shepard’s podcast, Armchair Expert, and spilled some extremely cold tea. John reveals that, back in 2005, he was almost set up with Dax’s wife, Kristen Bell. This was news to Dax, who met Kristen in 2007. Unfortunately for Kristen (gimme that Greek hunk over “comedian” Dax any day!), John, then 42, decided not to pursue things because he thought he was “too old” for the then-25-year-old Kristen. How refreshing! Except, um, John’s current wife, Caitlin McHugh Stamos, is 36 years old. This makes her a full six years younger than now-42-year-old Kristen and 23 years younger than 59-year-old John. D’oh!
Nope, that picture isn’t Vincent D’Onofrio as the cockroach alien in Men in Black. It’s Dax Shepherd suffering from chronic hiccups. On Friday Dax took to Instagram to share that earlier in the week he’d hiccuped for 50 hours straight! In one video, his wife Kristen Bell interviews him about his unfortunate ailment and he jokes that it’s “still funny” after 21 hours. But in his next video, he shares that his condition had escalated to “hiccup-induced puking.” Blegh! Blame the O’Doul’s?
Kristen Bell “Self Regulates” While On Her Period In Order To Keep Her Marriage To Dax Shepard Alive
Everyone’s least favorite oversharing couple is back!
E! News says that on Dax Shepard‘s podcast, Armchair Expert, his wife Kristen Bell revealed the secret that has kept them together all this time (they’ve been married for 8 years) and it’s vagina-related! Kristen said that if she didn’t tame the beast and cage up the demoness waiting to slip out of her every month when her cycle started flowing, she and Dax would “100 percent not be married.” So was Kristen on her period for a whole chunk of Coronavirus because they were at each other’s throats during that.
Time for another episode of DO! THEY! SHOWERRRRRRRR! Thanks to the attention-seeking antics of Dax Shepard, Kristen Bell, Ashton Kutcher, and Mila Kunis, celebrities have managed to snatch a free fifteen seconds of attention by discussing their bathing habits. Dax had Mila and Ashton on his podcast, Armchair Expert, and they talked about not fully washing themselves or their children every day. Then Kristen and Dax were on The View, and since over-sharing is their brand, they continued the snowball effect by talking about how they wait until their kids smell to bathe them.
Then Jake Gyllenhaal ruined my day by revealing he was Team Stanky Perineum and also took bathing as a light suggestion. Thankfully hotties like Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans made clear they in fact did shower. Add another to Team Bathing Beauties because Jason Momoa has entered the chat. Aquaman himself said that of course he showers–he’s the hero of the water!
I don’t know how in armpit jelly HELL we got here, but here we are again. Actually, I do know how we got here. We owe it all to Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher. Here I was thinking that the worst thing they contributed to society was their ear-and-nerves-destroying Cheetos commercial, but no! Mila and Ashton got the stank ball rolling by admitting that they don’t really lather up their bodies regularly and instead give themselves a whore bath. Then we heard from other celebrities who said that they don’t shower that much either. But Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has popped up to say that the answer to the question, “Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?”, isn’t, “Yup, smells like aged crotch cheese and hot onions.” Because The Rock says he bathes daily. In fact, he bathes three times a day. Yup, these celebrities either shower too little or too much. Can they do anything right?!