Jake Gyllenhaal celebrated the opening night of his Broadway play Sea Wall/A Life. According to The New York Times, Sea Wall/A Life is actually a double bill of two separate monologues with Jake tackling the latter, jerking tears and jolting funny bones recounting the birth of a daughter and the death of a father. He probably jerked a few tears from his fans in another way too, by inviting his girlfriend to his opening. Page Six says that “things are heating up” between 38-year-old Jake and 23-year-old French model Jeanne Cadieu. If you’re disappointed in Jake for making basic ass dating choices remember, a French 23 is more like an American 39, so he’s actually dating an older woman!
Anne Hathaway announced on Instagram today that she and her husband of nearly seven years Adam Shulman are expecting their second kid. Congratulations on beating your brother to it first, Anne!
Earlier this year, Anne Hathaway, a name that makes some reach for the bottle, became the Can’t Relate poster mom to parents who let their screaming brats know they’re going to be in the bathroom with diarrhea for a while but are really guzzling down a bottle of pink wine to deal with the madness of being a parent. Anne was on Ellen and told Ellen DeGeneres that a drop of the sweet nectar won’t touch her tongue until her 3-year-old son leaves the house. Anne said that she said goodbye to booze after picking up her son from school while hungover. And now she tells Boston Common magazine that if they gave Oscars for hangovers, she’d definitely win one (after campaigning like hell for it, I’m sure), because her hangovers are like no other and that’s why she’s done with booze for a while.
Funny, because most of us were really sick anytime we saw Anne Hathaway out on the press tour for Les Miserables! When Anne was playing Fantine, most of us took it as Oscar bait. Not only did Anne get a G.I. Jane haircut for the role, she also lost 25 pounds. I didn’t know Anne had 25 pounds to lose, and apparently her body didn’t either. Anne said the weight loss fucked up her body in a big way…but she’s all good now!
Anne Hathaway has stopped drinking alcohol. But she isn’t an alcoholic or anything, instead she’s doing it because of her two-year-old son. How cute… and horrifying. Can you imagine raising children without a chilled bottle of vodka sitting in your freezer? Pass.
Cleaning crews at The Beverly Hilton are probably still vacuuming up the shards of glitter that flew off of Billy Porter when he twirled in that amazing technicolor dreamcape, and are mopping up the Fiji water that people spewed out after realizing they were in the presence of the one and only Fiji Water Girl, and are disinfecting the floor after hundreds of people shit themselves as Baroness Jamie Lee Haden-Guest (seriously, she’s a baroness) sashayed onto the red carpet and they thought, “Damn, Brigitte Nielsen is looking hot after birthing out a baby!” People probably shit out everything in their system and are going to need some probiotics to get their guts good again. I see what you did there Queen of Activia!