Two-and-a-half years after being “canceled” for her offensively horrible personality, Lea Michele has hit an all-time career high. No, it’s not becoming the face of buccal fat removal. It’s starring in Funny Girl, which just broke a box office record at Broadway’s August Wilson Theatre
I don’t know who is cursing whom at this stage but something funny is going on on the Funny Girl set. The messy production went through hell this year when Beanie Feldstein had a will they-won’t they relationship with the famous play. She finally decided to quit the bitch and give the role to the greatest STAH that’s ever graced the Broadway stage: Lea Michele. Lea took over and immediately turned the ship around, making it a box office smash and getting great reviews. NOTHING will stop her quest from being known as THE one and only Fanny Brice (sorry, Barbra!). Unless it’s a back injury.
She did it. She showed them all! Lea Michele is, in fact and in deed, the greatest star. Deadline reports that since Lea took over the role of Fanny Brice in Broadway’s beleaguered revival of Funny Girl, ticket sales have skyrocketed netting the show $1.6 million for Lea’s first week of performances, up from just $659,874 the previous week. Ipso facto, since in America we equate profit with greatness, Lea is the undisputed greatest star (of the current cast of the Funny Girl revival on Broadway except on Thursdays when Julie Benko plays the role. On those days Julie is the greatest star and Lea reverts to the greatest star who can’t read).
After what seemed like eons, it finally happened. Lea Michele got her Satan-granted wish and made her debut in Funny Girl this week. Not only did she get to show the world her Fanny Brice, but she got multiple standing ovations for it! It just goes to show that if you dedicate yourself to being an awful person, the universe will reward you for it! However, it appears as though Lea’s voodoo spell on Beanie Feldstein has run amok and the curse has extended to the general production of Funny Girl because Lea has come down with COVID-19, thereby putting a stop to her Fanny for 10 days. The lighting crew better watch out. Who knows who’s next!
“You back there! I see you. You’re not standing, bitch. Groff, grab my prunes, a wig needs shitting in.”
After successfully praying at her altar to the dark Gods for Beanie Feldstein’s downfall, Lea Michele made her debut as Fanny Brice in Funny Girl on Broadway last night, and apparently, it was a success. And it was such a success that Lea reportedly got seven standing ovations. Although, the audience was filled with her friends and past co-workers like Jonathan Groff, Ryan Murphy, Drew Barrymore, Lee Pace, Zachary Quinto, and many theater people like Harvey Fierstein. So they had to stand or Lea Michele would get their asses! And Lea probably made her assistant hide electro shock pads on each chair and trigger that shit every time Lea wanted a standing O. But still, Lea is now out of the cancel corner and is back! And I’m sure that her power bars of evil are quickly recharging as Jonathan Groff reads her all the words of praise for her performance this morning.
“Funny Girl” Producers Say They Weren’t Blindsided By Beanie Feldstein’s Announcement That She’s Leaving The Show Early
We continue the postmortem on Beanie Feldstein’s departure from Broadway’s Funny Girl revival, which began innocently enough, and has quickly evolved into some major drama (appropriate, considering this all takes place in the theater). Beanie was supposed to wrap her run as the titular funny girl Fanny Brice on September 25th. Recently though, she revealed that producers of the show were going in a direction she wasn’t too thrilled about, and decided that she’d be done at the end of this month. That news broke right as it was revealed that her role would be scooped up by none other than Tinseltown tiny terror Lea Michele. Sources have claimed that no one at Funny Girl knew Beanie would be pulling out so abruptly. But the producers themselves, along with a rep for Beanie, have released a statement denying that it was that messy behind the scenes.