Okay, well, the second big question of the night since the first was, “How much pandering can the Hollywood Foreign Press Association do to pull themselves out of the disastrous hole they dug for themselves?” The show’s host, comedian Jerrod Carmichael, addressed that shit in his opening monologue by bluntly saying, “I’m here because I’m Black.” That got big laughs. But later in the night, Jerrod brought out the three Golden Globes that Tom Cruise returned to sender because the Jesus of Scientology is way too good to be associated with such a shady and diabolical organization. Jerrod then dropped a “Where is Shelly?” joke, and some laughed and clapped, but others groaned or stayed uncomfortably quiet. The audience obviously got the memo that it’s now okay to laugh at what a mess the HFPA is, but there was no memo that it’s okay to laugh at Scientology disses. Stick to one cause, Jerrod!
Even though Tom Hanks started the pandemic, I don’t think there’s an actor in Hollywood whose career has been more affected by it than Ana De Armas. Just as she was about to soar to new heights like a phoenix rising from the ashes of Ben Affleck’s back, lofted up, up, up to the stars by Daniel Craig’s propulsive Knives Out Foghorn Leghorn accent, the entire industry fell out of the sky and landed squarely on Daniel’s Peppa Pig No Time To Die accent, which was supposed to be Ana’s next big break, delaying that film’s release two entire years. Then came the snails *shiver*. Now, as if two cursed projects weren’t enough, in walks Blonde to a chorus of “BUT WHY?”s, and I’m not just talking about the talking fetus that gave Netflix the vapors. Well, unfortunately for Ana, her Blonde director Andrew Dominik answered that question in an interview with the British Film Institute in which he reduces Marilyn and Jane Russell in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes to “well-dressed whores.” Ana, I know you believe in ghosts so believe me when I tell you— Ana you in danger, girl!
The-Dream Read Diane Warren On Twitter After She Threw Shade At Beyoncé’s Track “Alien Superstar” For Having 24 Writers
I knew as soon as Beyoncé released her seventh studio album Renaissance the Beyhive would be ready to fight for their queen if any blasphemy surfaced. Kelis gets the day off. Because today, blasphemy’s new name is Diane Warren, the prolific songwriter who has penned hits for everyone from Aaliyah to Aerosmith to Celine Dion. Diane has even worked with Beyoncé before on the song I Was Here. But to members of the Beyhive, and super producer The-Dream, she’s just some out-of-touch old lady who clearly doesn’t understand the songwriting process and decided to get the Hive going. Because the moment she questioned why one of Renaissance‘s tracks has 24 writers on it, The-Dream led the charge against Diane with a reminder that NO ONE can ever speak ill of Beyoncé during her current reign.
Frank Langella Announces “I Have Been Canceled” After Netflix Fired Him From “Fall Of The House Of Usher”
Frank Langella is one sad puppy. Frank has pronounced himself “canceled. Just like that” in a guest column written for Deadline, declaring himself a victim of “the increasing madness that currently pervades our industry.” That “madness” led to Frank being fired by Netflix from his leading role in the limited series Fall of the House of Usher after he was accused by one of his co-stars of touching her inappropriately during a love scene. All of which Frank breezily owns up to, in addition to having told an “off-color” joke, calling people “baby” and “honey” and hugging and touching without permission. And boy is he pissed!
Armie Hammer has been out of rehab in Florida where he was dealing with issues with drugs, alcohol, and sex since December of last year, and has spent the subsequent months in the Cayman Islands with his family which includes his estranged wife Elizabeth Chambers and their two kids, Harper Grace, 7, and son Ford Douglas Armand, 4. While he still has a 2017 rape allegation hanging over his head (TMZ reports the LAPD’s investigation is over and the matter has been turned over the DA, but it’s unlikely any charges will be filed), a source hints to People that Elizabeth is considering a reconciliation and “they’re slowly figuring things out as a couple.” That’s a tall order considering all that Armie’s been accused of. And there is very little literature on the subject. It’s not like there’s a self-help book out there called So You Married A Hammer, and if there is, it’s probably misfiled in the Horror section.
As we know, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are still in the middle of a custody battle that’s threatening to outlive the child army’s childhood. So she’s probably not supposed to say shit about it in interviews, especially in interviews that are meant to highlight her humanitarian work. But the girl can’t help it! In a recent profile for The Guardian, Angie fixed her “lips like a plumped red sofa” to drag Brad for working with Harvey Weinstein against her wishes. Sorry, just like the reporter here, I too became distracted by Angie’s “cartoonishly beautiful” features, right down to her “vertiginous cheekbones,” but not so distracted that I can’t recognize when a murder has been committed. Spiritually at least.