In 2015, Elsa Pataky moved to the Land Down Under for her jacked Aussie husband of ten years, Chris Hemsworth. But Thor wasn’t there to help when 44-year-old Elsa’s car got stuck in a flood near their home in Byron Bay, New South Wales. The area was “recently pummelled with two days of rain”. Elsa tried driving across a watery part of the road, but got stuck, and took to Instagram Stories to document her escape.
When I first read the headlines, I thought, “INSTAGRAM STORIES?! In an emergency?! Why, I never! Celebrities today!” But when you watch the footage, it actually isn’t as near-death as it sounds.
Mary-Kate Olsen Has Split From Husband Olivier Sarkozy And Wants To Be Able To File For Divorce ASAP
When 33-year-old Mary-Kate Olsen married 50-year-old Olivier Sarkozy in 2015, they apparently had bowls upon bowls of cigarettes at their wedding reception. And since ciggie smoke is the epitome of romance, you’d think that they’d last until the end of time, or until one of their lungs busted out of their chest Kool-Aid Man-style and ran to the nearest hospital. But well, the love between a Victorian ghost witch and a former French president’s brother was not meant to be. So I guess having cigarettes as their wedding theme was fitting since their marriage has gone up in fucking smoke. And it’s gotten a little messy since Mary-Kate has asked for an emergency order to speed up her divorce filing because she claims that Olivier canceled the lease to their apartment without her knowing and so she’s gotta be out by Monday. And yes, the Olsens’ whole look is homeless chic, but they don’t want to be actually homeless.
If in the future, Blue Bell protects their creamy deliciousness with one of those annoying plastic security bands of frustration, causing you to break a toof as you try to rip it open with your mouth in the middle of the night because you can’t be bothered with scissors and need that goodness now, blame this SUCIO menace! I mean, there’s definitely a market for saliva-laced ice cream, so she’s not only a dum dum for not getting paid for something some freak would definitely pay for, but she’s also a dum dum for showing the world her crime against humanity, hygiene, and more importantly ICE CREAM!
One Of Lori Loughlin’s Daughters May Be Under Criminal Investigation For Her Role In Operation Varsity Blues
One of Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli‘s precious angels has received a spidergram, which is basically the scariest piece of mail you can imagine. It’s usually a spider hiding in your mailbox wearing a top-hat and holding out a silver tray that holds an envelope containing your STD test results. But in this case it’s a “target letter” from the Department of Justice informing them that they’re under investigation. According to The Daily Mail, it’s unclear which daughter got the spidergram, but both Olivia Jade and Isabella Rose are probably sleeping with one eye open.
Joe Biden isn’t the only dude who is getting tarred and feathered for kissing a woman without permission (and Joe’s a repeat offender). Actor Omari Hardwick from Power better put on a suit of armor and an industrial-strength beekeeper hat and veil because he’s going to have to answer to the Beyvengers (made up of the Beyhive and Solange in her elevator whoopin’ shoes) for making their Beysus uncomfortable by kissing on her face twice. Beyonce’s gonna have to get a team of beydyguards to guard her cheek at all times. First Sanaa Lathan tried to Cape Fear her cheek off and now Omari Hardwick is putting his lips on it twice.
It was just a few short weeks ago that Wendy Williams channeled the ghost of Charlton Heston and told us somebody’d have to pry her wedding ring from her cold dead hands. Well, I guess Hell done froze over because even though she said we’d never see her without her wedding ring on “in this lifetime”, Wendy was spotted leaving her sober house about 20 lbs of diamonds lighter. Maybe she had to hock it on Diamonds4Diapers.com to pay for her husband Kevin Hunter‘s rumored new baby.