“Blonde” Named Worst Picture At The Razzies

It’s OSCUH Day!! Who is going to be crowned prom king and queen of Hollywood? We only have a scant few hours to find out. In the meantime, the Academy Awards’ ugly sister the Razzies has already taken place, so we finally know who got the pig’s blood dropped on them. And the winner is…Blonde! I wonder if Ana de Armas and the film crew told Marilyn Monroe’s grave that they were getting her blessing for making the worst film of 2022.

The film, based on Joyce Carol Oates’s novel of the same name, was in production for over a decade before finally hitting theaters Netflix last year. Despite getting an Oscar nod for Ana’s performance, Blonde was met with a lot of huhs? and what the fucks? You see, Blonde is the whimsical tale of Marilyn Monroe and her faithful sidekick, a talking fetus. The film got heat for focusing not on the talented starlet’s career or achievements but on the director’s feelings about “well-dressed whores.” This bold direction resonated so much with people that Blonde was nominated for eight Razzies! And now it is an official winner in the 43^rd Golden Raspberry Awards. via The Hollywood Reporter:

Blonde has been “honored” with two Golden Raspberry Awards — aka the Razzies — which also bestowed an award upon themselves for the first time in the group’s history.

Andrew Dominik’s film, which led the Razzies with eight nominations, won worst picture of the year along with worst screenplay for Dominik. The Razzies called the film “misogynistic, salacious and fallacious” and said it “shamelessly exploits the memory of the late Marilyn Monroe.”

Other winners include Tom Hanks for his captivating rendition of a vaguely European Foghorn Leghorn in Elvis, Jared Leto for another attempt at an being edgy in a comic book movie, and Machine Gun Kelly and Mod Sun for struggling to make a watchable film. And to make up for the dumb decision of nominating a 12-year-old for Worst Actress, the Razzies presented themselves the 43^rd Actress Nominee Blunder award. Here’s the full Razzie list and announcement/ceremony:

WORST PICTURE
Blonde (WINNER)
Disney’s Pinocchio
Good Mourning
The King’s Daughter
Morbius

WORST ACTOR
Jared Leto / Morbius (WINNER)
Colson Baker (aka Machine Gun Kelly) / Good Mourning
Pete Davidson (Voice Only) / Marmaduke
Tom Hanks (as Gepetto) / Disney’s Pinocchio
Sylvester Stallone / Samaritan

WORST ACTRESS
Razzes / Their 43rd Worst Actress Nominations Blunder (WINNER)
Bryce Dallas Howard / Jurassic Park: Dominion
Diane Keaton / Mack & Rita
Kaya Scodelario / The King’s Daughter
Alicia Silverstone / The Requin

WORST REMAKE/RIP-OFF/SEQUEL
Disney’s Pinocchio (WINNER)
Blonde
BOTH 365 Days sequels — 365 Days: This Day and The Next 365 Days [a Razzie BOGO]
Firestarter
Jurassic World: Dominion

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Adria Arjona / Morbius (WINNER)
Lorraine Bracco (voice only) Disney’s Pinocchio
Penélope Cruz / The 355
Bingbing Fan / The 355 and The King’s Daughter
Mira Sorvino / Lamborghini: The Man Behind the Legend

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Tom Hanks / Elvis (WINNER)
Pete Davidson (cameo role) Good Mourning
Xavier Samuel / Blonde
Mod Sun / Good Mourning
Evan Williams / Blonde

WORST SCREEN COUPLE
Tom Hanks and His Latex-Laden Face (and Ludicrous Accent) Elvis (WINNER)
Colson Baker (aka Machine Gun Kelly) and Mod Sun / Good Mourning
Both Real Life Characters in the Fallacious White House Bedroom Scene / Blonde
Andrew Dominik and His Issues With Women / Blonde
The Two 365 Days Sequels (both released in 2022)

WORST DIRECTOR
Colson Baker (aka Machine Gun Kelly) and Mod Sun / Good Mourning (WINNER)
Judd Apatow / The Bubble
Andrew Dominik / Blonde
Daniel Espinosa / Morbius
Robert Zemeckis / Disney’s Pinocchio

WORST SCREENPLAY
Blonde / Written for the screen by Andrew Dominik, adapted from the Bio-Novel by Joyce Carol Oates (WINNER)
Disney’s Pinocchio / Screenplay by Robert Zemeckis and Chris Weitz (not authorized by the estate of Carlo Collodi)
Good Mourning / “Written” by Machine Gun Kelly and Mod Sun
Jurassic World: Dominion / Screenplay by Emily Carmichael and Colin Trevorrow, story by Trevorrow and Derek Connolly
Morbius / Screen story and sreenplay by Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless

RAZZIE REDEEMER AWARD
Colin Farrell (From 2004 Worst Actor nominee to 2022 Best Actor Oscar Front-Runner)

The Blonde team should’ve known the film was going to be a mess. Typically when a ghost is on set, it’s not there to shower you with blessings and accolades. Marilyn looks to have deservingly cursed the shit out of this movie. Oh well, there’s always the next Marilyn Monroe biopic that will inevitably be made!

Pic: Netflix