Category: Laura Dern

“1917” And Joaquin Phoenix Were Big Winners At Last Night’s BAFTAs

February 3, 2020 / Posted by:

2020 was a big year for 1917 which won four BAFTAs last night. That’s what was going on in ENGLAND while most Americans were busy watching JLo get the most out of that Groupon she used for 8 free pole dancing classes to prepare for Hustlers. She was never going to their little awards show anyway! But the lack of Hustlers nominations just meant more for 1917 which won Best Film, Outstanding British Film, Best Cinematography, and Best Director for Sam Mendes. It also picked up wins for special visual effects, sound, and production design. Parasite won for Best Film Not In The English Language and Best Original Screenplay by Han Jin-won and Bong Joon-ho. Another big winner was Joaquin Phoenix who won Most Tweeted About Acceptance Speech for Leading Actor For Joker, and Hardest Working Suit.

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The 2020 Critics Chose Their Choices For Their Awards

January 13, 2020 / Posted by:

Award season turned onwards as the 2020 Critics Choice came in to give away all the awards which have been given by the “critics”. Of course in today’s social media age a critic is just someone with a wi-fi connection, but these critics in particular are like special, or something–so you better listen up because I’m gonna tell you who won and so they’re blessed for the coming year with a boost to their paychecks and asking-potential. Also I’m gonna comment on their clothing choices–Journalism!

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The Hollywood Reporter’s Actress Roundtable Discussion Got Into Representation, Cutoffs, And #MeToo

November 14, 2019 / Posted by:

Yes, cutoffs. This is a roundtable discussion that included a conversation about cutoff jean shorts as a metaphor for the type of roles a certain actress decided to avoid typecasting early on in her career. Catherine Bach might want to avoid this roundtable, because she’s about to feel very attacked.

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Everyone Was Three Sheets To The Wind On The Red Carpet for The Governors Awards

October 28, 2019 / Posted by:

The Governors Awards are a classy affair, you can just tell by the name. According to The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, the GA are “an annual event celebrating awards conferred by the Academy’s Board of Governors – the Irving G. Thalberg Memorial Award, the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award and the Honorary Award.” Basically, they are really the precum of the actual Oscars. Which might explain why so many ladies came dressed in nothing but a satin sheet. Nothing shows off precum quite like a satin bed sheet!

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Gwyneth Paltrow Says She’s Not “Passionate” About Acting Anymore

September 27, 2019 / Posted by:

Did you know that Oscar-winner Gwyneth Paltrow is not really that into acting anymore? I’m shocked! I thought she was just shilling expensive non-medical stone vaginal inserts for fun? Obviously Gwynnie has been checked out of the acting game for some time now, but she decided that, ahead of the release of Ryan Murphy and her husband’s new Netflix series, The Politician, she should let us know that she’s not really that into acting anymore.

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Jeff Goldblum, Sam Neill, And Laura Dern Will Be In “Jurassic World 3”

September 25, 2019 / Posted by:

I actually enjoyed the first Jurassic World movie. Don’t tell me I have “bad” taste in movies–I’m fully aware. But even I, who can find enjoyment in most B-grade action movies, thought the second one, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom was trash. Like, what was the point? Selling… dinosaurs at auction? For… what reason again besides money? I forget! Yeah, not the best, but it made over $1.3 billion worldwide, so of course a third movie is coming. But this one may actually be good, because it will star OG Jurassic Park legends Laura Dern, Sam Neill, and Jeff Goldblum.

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