Welp, looks like the 94th annual Academy Awards was slightly less of a shit show viewership-wise than the 93rd Oscars. I mean, it was a much bigger shit show in general thanks to Will Smith giving the media writers content to cover for the next year and a half by slapping Chris Rock on live television. But people didn’t even know that was going to happen when they decided to tune in and give the broadcast a 60% increase in viewers over last year. But that’s not saying much, because last year was the least-watched Oscars ever so this year is sitting pretty at the second-least. YAY!
Steven Soderbergh Admits That They Closed The Oscars With The Best Actor Category In Case Chadwick Boseman Won
Two Sundays ago, the Academy Awards broke with tradition by moving the Best Picture category to the third-last award of the night and closed the show with Best Actor. It made zero sense until you realized that the Academy was likely banking on a big, emotional ratings-grabbing end to the show when Chadwick Boseman was posthumously named Best Actor for Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom. Steven Soderbergh, one of the producers of the 2021 Academy Awards, wants to clear the air, and he’d like you to know that the category of Best Actor was moved on purpose in the event Chadwick won.
I half-watched the Oscars on Sunday night, and the only time I got excited was when I spotted Paulina Porizkova sitting beside her new BF, Aaron Sorkin. I yelled, “Paulina Porizkova!”, to which my boyfriend responded, “Who?” I didn’t bother answering, because we both know he didn’t care. But yeah, this past weekend we learned that Paulina and Aaron have been an item for a few months. Then they made their couple premiere at the Oscars. Then a smitten Paulina posted that the room was very cold that night, but Aaron kept her warm. Then today she posted about how headlines calling the two an “age-appropriate couple” are actually pretty ageist. So please sit your asses down, the media!
If last night’s Oscars ceremony can be summed up in a single image, it’s that of Brad Pitt’s struggle ponytail:
— Jamie Blynn (@jamieblynn) April 26, 2021
It was confusing, unnecessary, washed out, and honestly, kind of rude. Just like the show, it ended abruptly yet was also way too long. Give us Legends of the Fall locks undulating like a field of wheat in a summer breeze Brad, or give us nothing and keep it moving. Trust me, nobody wants a pinky finger’s worth of hay held together with the twist tie from a bag of Ezekiel bread. Thankfully Brad’s angry inch was outshone by the red carpet which was one of the only saving graces about this year’s ill-conceived mid-pandemic Oscars ceremony.
Glenn Close May Have Lost The Best Supporting Actress Oscar, But She Really Won The Night By Doing “Da Butt”
There was not much real entertainment (unless you count 80-hour long speeches and constant ass-kissing as “entertainment“) during last night’s Oscars. The nominees for Best Song were performed during the pre-show. But we did get a little jolt of actual fun during a segment that should have been called “What Fuckin’ Show Is This??” The segment featured a few of the nominees including the Susan Lucci of the Oscars Glenn Close (she’s been nominated 8 times and has never won) who let the Oscars voters know they can kiss her ass by doing Da Butt.
It’s no secret that when you combine nerves, excitement, and the unshakeable high a person gets from winning and holding a shiny trophy, someone is bound to be held captive for the kind of thank-you speech that feels just a few seconds shorter than an average episode of Law & Order. The Academy Awards set a 45-second acceptance speech limit a long time ago, and generally, they stick to that time frame by having the orchestra make a respectful amount of noise, to remind winners that it’s time to wrap things up. That didn’t happen last night, which meant that winners could decide for themselves whether they wanted to give an acceptance speech or a mini TED Talk. Last night, some winners took their time and I’m sure many at home were wondering when the music was going to kick in, but it never did (and by “many” I mean “not that many” since this year’s Oscars were a ratings flop). And according to the 2021 Oscars’ musical director, Questlove, that’s because he was told there would be no wrap-it-up music this year.