The 2021 Oscars Red Carpet > Brad Pitt’s Ponytail < Literally Anything Else

April 26, 2021 / Posted by:

If last night’s Oscars ceremony can be summed up in a single image, it’s that of Brad Pitt’s struggle ponytail:

It was confusing, unnecessary, washed out, and honestly, kind of rude. Just like the show, it ended abruptly yet was also way too long. Give us Legends of the Fall locks undulating like a field of wheat in a summer breeze Brad, or give us nothing and keep it moving. Trust me, nobody wants a pinky finger’s worth of hay held together with the twist tie from a bag of Ezekiel bread. Thankfully Brad’s angry inch was outshone by the red carpet which was one of the only saving graces about this year’s ill-conceived mid-pandemic Oscars ceremony.

There were some bold looks (and some bowled ones too) on display last night starting with nominee Andra Day’s midriff and that one leg they all do baring shimmery gold Vera Wang gown that’s doing the work Brad’s hair failed to do. Maybe Andra and her fellow nominees who wore gold, like Carey Mulligan giving sequins eleganza in Valentino and Leslie Odom Jr. serving Fisherman’s Wharf robot man realness in Brioni, were trying to summon Oscar with their outfits like Glenn Close tried to do in 2019. And just like Glenn, they all lost.

Maybe that’s why this year Glenn took a different tact and wore her strangling gloves with her Armani Privé tunic. Glenn will NOT be ignored and she’s got a length of baling wire tucked into her waistband if needed to prove it.

Laura Dern offered us a fun play on Björk’s legendary 2001 swan dress on its 20th anniversary with this Oscar de la Renta look. Either that or it’s a conceptual piece about that Theranos lady Elizabeth Homles having been tarred and feathered from the waist down.

Even though Sacha Baron Cohen wisely didn’t travel to the ceremony, here he is from the Sydney, Australia red carpet looking like a Good Humor Man who just got dragged off the street and asked to serve drinks at a country club ice cream social.

I guess you could say Hollywood’s got its mojo back, baby! Too bad the rest of us are still in the middle of a fucking pandemic. Congratulations on the beautiful gowns though. You sure showed us. More beautiful gowns in the gallery below.


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