Category: Jeremy Renner
Marvel Cinematic Universe Shit: Angelina Jolie Is An “Eternal,” Natalie Portman Is The New Thor
Never mind earthquakes. California was nearly taken out yesterday by the tsunami of fanboy drool created by Marvel Studios announcing all of their upcoming movie and TV offerings at San Diego Comic-Con. Angelina Jolie sashayed out to get that Marvel money and officially joined the cast of The Eternals. Natalie Portman deigned to make an appearance to announce that she’s going to be the new female Thor. Marvel also exhibited their absolute fearlessness when they revealed that they’ve recast Blade with Oscar winner Mahershala Ali. Their security must be aces because Noxeema Jackson is going to show up with an uzi when she hears that she’s not getting any cash from Marvel anytime soon with which to pay off her outstanding IRS tab.
Open Post: Hosted By Jeremy Renner’s Dreams Of Rock Stardom Coming True
I can’t believe all this fussin’ and cussin’ over Taylor Swift’s masters is going on right now when there’s an entire catalog of Jeremy Renner certified bangers right there for the taking. Everybody’s (I’m not sure exactly how many Avengers there are but I think a conservative estimate would be 27? 28? I’m going to go with 27) 25th favorite Avenger has been quietly laying down alt rock tracks for years, right under our noses. But Jeremey’s not going to be ignored any longer. He’s taken the promotion of his musical endeavors into his own hands and posted a teaser for his dubiously titled new single, Heaven Aint’ Got No Name, on social media.
The End (game) Is Near: Some Of The Millions Of Looks From The “Avengers: Endgame” Premiere
God bless ya if you’ve been able to keep up with all the fucking Avengers running around here these days. Just looking at the poster for the upcoming Avengers: Endgame movie takes so much concentration. I keep thinking I’m supposed to eventually see a sailboat or some shit. It’s a mess, and it gives me a throbbing, Thanos’ dick-sized migraine. But the poster isn’t nearly as much of a mess as the red carpet for last night’s premiere of Avengers: Endgame: Too Many Spidermen. Not only was every Groot, Korg and Kraglin Obfonteri from the movies there, all the Marvel universe TV characters were there too. It must have been the least exclusive guest list to hit Hollywood since the premiere of Gotti. I mean, they even let Colin Jost in!
Lady Gaga “Leaned On” Jeremy Renner After Break Up With Fiancé
Us Weekly is reporting that this Lady Gaga/Jeremy Renner thing is turning into a thing. A very random thing. Okay then… any more strange couples want to slither out of the cracks? Paris Hilton and someone with intelligence? Khloé Kardashian and not a black guy? Who knows.
Jeremy Renner Wants His Daughter To Know Struggle
Jeremy Renner has made enough money pretending to shoot arrows in the Avengers movies that he could pay someone $5,000 a minute to carry him on their shoulders as he carries his daughter on his, but no, he’s not going to do that. Jeremy Renner doesn’t want his 4-year-old daughter Ava to grow up in typical rich kid fashion. Sorry, Ava: no gold-dipped animal crackers for you (I didn’t grow up rich; is this something rich kids eat?). Or maybe you Jeremy will allow her those gold animal crackers, but she’s going to have to work for them.
Jeremy Renner Broke Both Of His Arms
He broke them while fighting off those gay rumors. I KID!
Jeremy Renner is currently filming “a comedy” movie called Tag. You would think an action movie star like him would have the coordination or the appropriate amount of stunt people to keep himself safe on a shoot, but maybe not. Variety reports that he broke both arms while filming a stunt. Jesus, is it a comedy about mixed martial arts or expert skiing? Did the stunt guys bang in that day? Continue reading