When we last left Felicity Huffman, it was being reported that federal prosecutors wanted to see her do one month in prison as punishment for her role in the College Admissions Scandal. Felicity was accused of committing mail fraud and honest services fraud when she gave $15,000 to have Rick Singer hook her up with a proctor that would fix her daughter’s SAT scores, thus securing her admission into an elite school. Felicity pleaded guilty back in May, and it was said she was looking at 4 to 10 months on the inside. Then it dropped to one month, but Felicity still wants it dropped to 0 minutes. Sources tell TMZ says that Felicity and her lawyers have two arguments up their sleeves.
Prince Andrew has been working really, really hard (a description not usually used on Prince Andrew) to make you think he’s an upstanding member of the royal family. He’s trying really hard to remove himself from the narrative that he’s an alleged creep who was good friends with Jeffrey Epstein and is much too familiar with underage girls.
The only problem is, no matter how many times he swears he wasn’t really even friends with Epstein, or swears he’s so “appalled” by the accusations, there is still that photo floating around on the internet showing Andrew side-hugging one of his alleged accusers, a then-17-year-old Virginia Roberts (now Virginia Giuffre). Usually pictures don’t lie, but according to Team Andrew, that picture would fail a polygraph test, because it’s not telling the truth!
Aside from breaking sex news, Cosmopolitan is also providing you with an easy exercise you can do from the comfort of your chair, which is to roll your eyes while reading about Iggy Azalea’s thoughts on cultural appropriation.
If I had to make a conservative estimate, I’d guess that 98% of the world’s population thinks Tristan Thompson is the cheating type. How could you not? It was part of his character arc on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. But Tristan claims that the original part of his cheating narrative – the part where he allegedly cheated on his pregnant girlfriend Jordan Craig with Khloé Kardashian – isn’t true. He recently went on Twitter and denied that anything shady happened there.
Poets who have been working most of their lives to get a book deal definitely raised a feather quill pen (because every self-respecting poet uses a feather quill pen) to noted poet Bella Thorne who actually got money to burp out a bunch of poems about her life. That book called The Life of a Wannabe Mogul: Mental Disarray is out now, and Bella’s been peddling it everywhere except for Old Judgmental Hags Central (The View).
The Emily Dickinson of our time (Emily Dickandcoochandthisorthat, if you will) pushed her book of poems on Good Morning America, and talked to Juju Chang about her sexuality. Bella declared herself a lover of both peen and poon in 2016 when she came out as bisexual. But Bella is bisexual no more, and says she had it all wrong, because she’s pansexual. Now, if I asked my mom about pansexuality, she’d think I was coming out as pansexual, and calmly, but sternly, back away, walk to her kitchen, gather all her Calphalons and hide them thinking I wanted to fuck them. But that’s not what being pansexual is about. It’s also not someone who exclusively gets the drips for Peter Pan Dude.
It’s no secret that Elon Musk wants to build a spaceship and go to Mars. But I’m starting to think it’s not because he’s into space travel, but because he really wants to fuck a martian. This is based solely off his current girlfriend, Grimes, who might just have outed herself as humanity’s closest DNA match to an extra-terrestrial.