Prince William Screamed At Prince Harry In Front Of THE QUEEN, And Other “Revelations” From The Final Episodes Of “Harry & Meghan”
Do you feel that? It’s the earth finally settling after it was rocked by all the bombshells (not really) dropped during the final three episodes of Netflix’s Harry & Meghan, which came out today. The first three episodes were covered by Mieka last week, and those episodes were very “when the book report assignment calls for a 1,200-word count, but you’ve only got 400 words in you, so you’ve got to stretch that shit out.” The last three episodes were kind of the same. They cover the royal family drama over Prince Harry and Meghan Markle quitting that bitch, Tyler Perry becoming their Captain Save-A-Ho, and a text from BEYONCE! I know, Harry and Meghan buried the lede. Netflix says that Harry & Meghan is its biggest documentary debut ever, but its debut would’ve been a zillion times bigger if the show was only titled: A Text From Beyonce (featuring Harry and Meghan).
I knew THIS moment would be coming after Will Smith started opening up about The Slap heard ’round the world in preparation for his upcoming film Emancipation and Oscar campaign. Will went on a brief apology tour over the summer, but he’s upping the ante with waterworks and a sweet story involving one of his family members during an interview with Trevor Noah on The Daily Show.
To many, Chris Evans is considered their Best Chris (and yes, those people obviously don’t know about the piping hot total package that is Christopher Lloyd). And last night, People Magazine declared that not only do they think that Chris Evans is the sexiest man with a pulse named Chris, but he’s also the sexiest man of all sexiest men alive. So, somewhere Chris Evans’ publicist is soothing their worn-out muscles in a BenGay bath after successfully winning a wrestling tournament in People’s offices against the other publicists who wanted to win this totally real title for their client. Sorry, Austin Butler’s rep, do your chin-ups and pull-ups, and you’ll beat those tricks next year.
While Chris Evans being named this year’s Sexiest Man Alive, may make some people ask, “When we turned back the clocks on Sunday, did we turn them all the way back to 2019?“, this choice being three years late doesn’t bother me. But what does bother me is that People put Chris Evans on the cover of their Sexiest Man Alive issue and didn’t feature the best thing about him, his dog DODGER EVANS! Journalistic integrity: People Magazine has none!
Not long after it was reported that Jason Sudeikis and Olivia Wilde were over after 9 years together, she went public with Harry Styles and talk began about she how passed her poon to Harry while still with Jason and that was one of the big reasons why they split. Jason was reportedly sad over Olivia getting with Harry, and the timeline of how things went down is fuzzier than my eyesight after I lose a contact while six sheets to the wind. Olivia already shit on the “false narrative” that she, Jason, and Harry are the reboot of the Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, and Angelina Jolie mess, and in a new interview with Vanity Fair, she says that she and Jason were done a long time before she even met Harry. Hmmm, if you listen closely, you can probably hear Jason Sudeikis putting the receipts together…
“You back there! I see you. You’re not standing, bitch. Groff, grab my prunes, a wig needs shitting in.”
After successfully praying at her altar to the dark Gods for Beanie Feldstein’s downfall, Lea Michele made her debut as Fanny Brice in Funny Girl on Broadway last night, and apparently, it was a success. And it was such a success that Lea reportedly got seven standing ovations. Although, the audience was filled with her friends and past co-workers like Jonathan Groff, Ryan Murphy, Drew Barrymore, Lee Pace, Zachary Quinto, and many theater people like Harvey Fierstein. So they had to stand or Lea Michele would get their asses! And Lea probably made her assistant hide electro shock pads on each chair and trigger that shit every time Lea wanted a standing O. But still, Lea is now out of the cancel corner and is back! And I’m sure that her power bars of evil are quickly recharging as Jonathan Groff reads her all the words of praise for her performance this morning.
Well, it looks like there’s one thing that can temporarily stop Ezra Miller’s crime spree of terror that has hit Hawaii, Iceland, Vermont, and beyond. The answer is: threat of a breach of contract lawsuit from Warner Bros. and loss of more checks. I mean, it would be kind of hard for Ezra to run a cult in Iceland if trick can’t keep the lights on. Ezra The Terrible has sort of, not really, responded to the accusations of grooming, assault, abuse, kidnapping, thievery, and harassment by farting up a hollow non-apology that was totally not written by the PR team behind The Flash. Ezra adds that they’re in treatment for “complex mental health issues.” Surprisingly, Ezra’s damage control statement didn’t end with, “See! Everything’s okay now and you no longer have to feel shitty about buying a ticket to my movie The Flash, out in theaters on June 23, 2023!” Warner Bros. is slipping.