Anthony Mackie Really Isn’t Into People Thinking There’s A Gay Romance Between Sam And Bucky On “Falcon And The Winter Soldier”
Disney+’s latest superhero series, Falcon and the Winter Soldier, is a hit, which isn’t a surprise since nerds will devour up anything Marvel. And along with popularity comes fanfiction! But one of the show’s stars Anthony Mackie seems a bit peeved that people online have been suggesting that his character Sam Wilson AKA the Falcon is secretly in love with Bucky Barnes AKA the Winter Soldier, played by Sebastian Stan. The gay shippers are just wrong, okay! And Anthony is coming off as a little pissed that people don’t think two straight dudes can have a strong friendship and have twisted something as “pure and beautiful as homosexuality.” So if you scream “KISS! KISS!” every time these two are onscreen together, Anthony wants you to stop.
There was a rumor that Chris Evans would be returning to the Marvel universe in some form and once again taking up the shield of Captain America. Anthony Mackie is rumored to becoming the next Captain America in a Disney+ series, and so there may be some competition coming. But not just over who gets to hold a super-powerful shield and throw it around with the strength and coordination of Xena Warrior Princess. Anthony seems to be ready to challenge Chris for one more title: America’s Ass.
Marvel’s Black Panther made a ton of money and won a bunch of awards. Ever since then, Marvel has been open to the idea of branching out from their core team of overwhelmingly white superheroes. Marvel is about to release The Eternals, which features a diverse cast and the first gay superhero. Marvel has also promised more gay characters, including a possible trans character (although we shouldn’t hold our breath for that). But while Marvel may be patting themselves on the back for being about 600% more diverse than the average DC superhero movie, they probably shouldn’t pat for too long, at least not according to Anthony Mackie.
Never mind earthquakes. California was nearly taken out yesterday by the tsunami of fanboy drool created by Marvel Studios announcing all of their upcoming movie and TV offerings at San Diego Comic-Con. Angelina Jolie sashayed out to get that Marvel money and officially joined the cast of The Eternals. Natalie Portman deigned to make an appearance to announce that she’s going to be the new female Thor. Marvel also exhibited their absolute fearlessness when they revealed that they’ve recast Blade with Oscar winner Mahershala Ali. Their security must be aces because Noxeema Jackson is going to show up with an uzi when she hears that she’s not getting any cash from Marvel anytime soon with which to pay off her outstanding IRS tab.
But let’s be honest, I already posted the trailer for the REAL Captain America: Civil War in today’s Hot Slut of the Day post. The King of Black Friday Jarvis Johnson is the real Captain America and this country’s real Civil War is the Black Friday battle. But anyway, Chris Evans and giant bag of money with a goatee Robert Downey Jr. were on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night to make nerds shoot chunky cum loads of excitement by presenting the trailer for that Civil War movie. If you’ve got a nerd in your life and they’re hosting Thanksgiving this year, you better sniff the gravy before pouring it on your mashed potatoes, because who knows what they shot in there while watching this:
I saw explosions, I saw Chris Evans’ huge arms looking like pantyhose stuffed with melons, I saw the Black Panther looking a little wonky-eyed (he may be part Siamese Cat) and I saw ScarJo saying something along the lines of, “Do you really want to do this?” A lot of times in action and superhero movies, there’s a trick saying, “Do you really want to do this?” to the main hero. Stupid ass! Of course they want to do this! If they don’t, there will be no movie, which means there will be no money, which means you’ll have to fly commercial with the peasants, because you won’t be able to afford a private jet. Don’t ask that shit!
But what I mostly saw while watching that trailer is a team of workers building a 50,000 square foot addition next to RDJ’s money vault, because he’s going to need a whole lot more room to store all the cash he’s going to make from this.
On last night’s episode of that lip-synching show that’s not RuPaul’s Drag Race, two magical things happened:
1. Anthony Mackie stripped down to a Spandex onesie while mouthing his lips to MC Hammer’s 2 Legit 2 Quit and his calzone titties quickly stole the show by bouncing up and down as he served up some hot moves. Those jumping chest dumplings hypnotized me into motorboating the screen.
2. Joseph Gordon-Levitt nailed his Rhythm Nation Janet Jackson impersonation right down to the rouge that made it look like heavenly angels scooted across his cheeks right after they went caca. JGL gave it like he’s been waiting for this day since his 8-year-old self danced to Rhythm Nation in front of his bedroom mirror.
LL Cool J is probably stunned, because his tip got moist from seeing JGL as Janet Jackson and he doesn’t know how to process that.