Never mind earthquakes. California was nearly taken out yesterday by the tsunami of fanboy drool created by Marvel Studios announcing all of their upcoming movie and TV offerings at San Diego Comic-Con. Angelina Jolie sashayed out to get that Marvel money and officially joined the cast of The Eternals. Natalie Portman deigned to make an appearance to announce that she’s going to be the new female Thor. Marvel also exhibited their absolute fearlessness when they revealed that they’ve recast Blade with Oscar winner Mahershala Ali. Their security must be aces because Noxeema Jackson is going to show up with an uzi when she hears that she’s not getting any cash from Marvel anytime soon with which to pay off her outstanding IRS tab.
Richard Madden has explained before that he’s private about his personal life, which is why he has no interest in talking about his friend, roommate, and matching necklace buddy Brandon Flynn. All you’re going to know is that 33-year-old Richard Madden has hair like a romance novel villain, is in the Bodyguard, and that quite often he can be seen in the same pictures as 25-year-old Brandon. And now there’s more pictures of them.
Most people agree that Keanu Reeves is pretty much the best. He’s kind, humble, and reportedly, immortal. So far, there’s been no dark force in all the universe that’s been able to tarnish people’s love for him. Until now. Fansided reports that Keanu is in talks to take a role in the upcoming Marvel film The Eternals, which as we know, features Angelina Jolie. I’ve said it before and I still believe it to be a real possibility: The most Angelina thing to do now that’s she’s a single woman, would be to have a torrid affair with a coworker. Previously I worried that married man Kumail Nanjiani might become her unwitting prey. But now I’m more worried about Keanu. Even though he’s single, his status as World’s Most Beloved Unproblematic Fave, might make him just the big game Angelina needs to achieve her diabolical second act. Beware The (Home) Reckoning!
Richard Madden And Brandon Flynn Had Their Arms Around Each Other (GASP!) After Buying “Marijuana Cigarettes” (DOUBLE GASP!)
Thousands of gays, and people who get into Scottish daddy on Yankee twink action, were hospitalized yesterday with severe dehydration after they slobbered gallons of bodily fluids from all their holes after seeing pictures of Panty Creamer Richard Madden (of Bodyguard, Rocketman and Game of Thrones) and Brandon Flynn (of 13 Reasons Why) getting all cozy in Los Angeles over the weekend. Richard and Brandon were papped with their arms around each other after buying “marijuana cigarettes” (REEFER MADNESS!). So of course, many now think that Richard Madden is bi and that he and Brandon are totally doing it, and after they bought those “marijuana cigarettes” (yes, the year is 1966) they went home, got naked, and Richard blew “marijuana cigarette” smoke into Brandon’s b-hole before doing him. Get me a wet vac and a stretcher, because I just slobbered out a lake from that image and I now need medical attention.
It’s Hollywood versus gay sex when it comes to the upcoming Rocketman movie due out in May. The Daily Mail is reporting that the studio behind the Elton John biopic wants to cut a scene featuring some amazing and delicious Nude. Gay. Sex. To quote Carrie Bradshaw in one of the only phrases she’s uttered which hasn’t aged poorly: “Not in the mood for gay porn?!”