When we last left Richard Madden’s “roommate” situation, he had socially distanced (before socially distancing was an official thing) from ex-roommate Brandon Flynn after they supposedly had a falling out that got so bad that Brandon asked the team at Versace NOT to invite Richard to a holiday party in December. I know, getting banned from a Versace holiday party is a punishment worse than death! What an ice-cold twink that Brandon Flynn is, but Richard removed that Versace dagger from his heart and it looks like Dick is back on it with a new twink friend.
Marvel’s The Eternals is coming, and with it a representational cast of thousands including heroes gender-swapped from the comics, a rainbow of ethnicities, the MCU’s first deaf hero, and finally, some hot spandexed man-on-spandexed man action. The rumor was that the first openly queer hero in Marvel Cinematic Universe history would be Ikaris, played by the Scottish, square-jawed and possibly bisexual himself Richard Madden. Not so fast! MCU Cosmic says it’s a different character and actor. And the character will already have a partner and kids! WHAT KIND OF HETERONORMATIVE BULLSHIT IS THIS? Fun fact: “heteronormative bullshit” is gay guy speak for the fear that there won’t be any full-frontal or anal scenes between Sean Cody-looking dudes in the content in question.
Sadly, the sight of Richard Madden furiously plunging a toilet as Brandon Flynn stands in the doorway saying, “Harder, faster, plunge that white hole, put your back into it, bro!“, is one that’s only going to exist in your head from now on. And no, that wasn’t a euphemism. They were roommates! I say, “were,” because according to The Sun, they aren’t anymore. A source says they had a “falling out” and are fucking done with each other! So Richard is no longer dropping loads in Brandon’s Bosch. Again, not a euphemism, you gutter-brained sucios! They were roommates! And shared a washer!
Never mind earthquakes. California was nearly taken out yesterday by the tsunami of fanboy drool created by Marvel Studios announcing all of their upcoming movie and TV offerings at San Diego Comic-Con. Angelina Jolie sashayed out to get that Marvel money and officially joined the cast of The Eternals. Natalie Portman deigned to make an appearance to announce that she’s going to be the new female Thor. Marvel also exhibited their absolute fearlessness when they revealed that they’ve recast Blade with Oscar winner Mahershala Ali. Their security must be aces because Noxeema Jackson is going to show up with an uzi when she hears that she’s not getting any cash from Marvel anytime soon with which to pay off her outstanding IRS tab.
Richard Madden has explained before that he’s private about his personal life, which is why he has no interest in talking about his friend, roommate, and matching necklace buddy Brandon Flynn. All you’re going to know is that 33-year-old Richard Madden has hair like a romance novel villain, is in the Bodyguard, and that quite often he can be seen in the same pictures as 25-year-old Brandon. And now there’s more pictures of them.
Most people agree that Keanu Reeves is pretty much the best. He’s kind, humble, and reportedly, immortal. So far, there’s been no dark force in all the universe that’s been able to tarnish people’s love for him. Until now. Fansided reports that Keanu is in talks to take a role in the upcoming Marvel film The Eternals, which as we know, features Angelina Jolie. I’ve said it before and I still believe it to be a real possibility: The most Angelina thing to do now that’s she’s a single woman, would be to have a torrid affair with a coworker. Previously I worried that married man Kumail Nanjiani might become her unwitting prey. But now I’m more worried about Keanu. Even though he’s single, his status as World’s Most Beloved Unproblematic Fave, might make him just the big game Angelina needs to achieve her diabolical second act. Beware The (Home) Reckoning!