Ever since Daniel Craig hung his blue speedo up and withdrew from a life of espionage as James Bond, many have been wondering who would step into the role next. There was speculation for years that beautiful British brotha Idris Elba would take over, but he basically told them to get someone else to do it since he’s too old to be jumping, running, and leaping over shit. Someone should give Tom Cruise that memo, but that’s a discussion for another time. So now, Scottish panty creamer Richard Madden may have given us a few clues as to who the next Bond will be because it might be him.
They reanimated Red Carpet Angelina Jolie and trotted her around the globe like a prized thoroughbred (they even tried to give her a real horse-hair mane!) for the premiere of Eternals and for what? The early reviews are in and it’s unanimous — It’s no Dune!
My Good Friday turned into a Great Friday after seeing Scottish hunk Richard Madden’s wet gimp look in a time-lapse video of him getting a plaster cast made of his body for his upcoming role in the Amazon series Citadel. According to Entertainment Tonight:
The shirtless star sits still while he is covered from the torso up with the plaster.
Say no more, sold!
When we last left Richard Madden’s “roommate” situation, he had socially distanced (before socially distancing was an official thing) from ex-roommate Brandon Flynn after they supposedly had a falling out that got so bad that Brandon asked the team at Versace NOT to invite Richard to a holiday party in December. I know, getting banned from a Versace holiday party is a punishment worse than death! What an ice-cold twink that Brandon Flynn is, but Richard removed that Versace dagger from his heart and it looks like Dick is back on it with a new twink friend.
Marvel’s The Eternals is coming, and with it a representational cast of thousands including heroes gender-swapped from the comics, a rainbow of ethnicities, the MCU’s first deaf hero, and finally, some hot spandexed man-on-spandexed man action. The rumor was that the first openly queer hero in Marvel Cinematic Universe history would be Ikaris, played by the Scottish, square-jawed and possibly bisexual himself Richard Madden. Not so fast! MCU Cosmic says it’s a different character and actor. And the character will already have a partner and kids! WHAT KIND OF HETERONORMATIVE BULLSHIT IS THIS? Fun fact: “heteronormative bullshit” is gay guy speak for the fear that there won’t be any full-frontal or anal scenes between Sean Cody-looking dudes in the content in question.
Sadly, the sight of Richard Madden furiously plunging a toilet as Brandon Flynn stands in the doorway saying, “Harder, faster, plunge that white hole, put your back into it, bro!“, is one that’s only going to exist in your head from now on. And no, that wasn’t a euphemism. They were roommates! I say, “were,” because according to The Sun, they aren’t anymore. A source says they had a “falling out” and are fucking done with each other! So Richard is no longer dropping loads in Brandon’s Bosch. Again, not a euphemism, you gutter-brained sucios! They were roommates! And shared a washer!