Category: Chris Hemsworth
Lindsay Lohan Tried To Reach The Brothers Hemsworth Via Instagram Comment
As if we needed yet another reason to be irritated with Miley Cyrus, she made Lindsay Lohan think she had a shot at banging a Hemsworth! No Lohanaissance is complete without a knight in shining armor, and according to People, Lindsay lamented in an Instagram comment that the brothers Hemsworth never got the chance to vie for her attention. Chris and Liam Hemsworth, Miley’s ex, have been enjoying some family time in Australia, and presumably trying to hide from the crazy. But the crazy done found them anyway!
Marvel Cinematic Universe Shit: Angelina Jolie Is An “Eternal,” Natalie Portman Is The New Thor
Never mind earthquakes. California was nearly taken out yesterday by the tsunami of fanboy drool created by Marvel Studios announcing all of their upcoming movie and TV offerings at San Diego Comic-Con. Angelina Jolie sashayed out to get that Marvel money and officially joined the cast of The Eternals. Natalie Portman deigned to make an appearance to announce that she’s going to be the new female Thor. Marvel also exhibited their absolute fearlessness when they revealed that they’ve recast Blade with Oscar winner Mahershala Ali. Their security must be aces because Noxeema Jackson is going to show up with an uzi when she hears that she’s not getting any cash from Marvel anytime soon with which to pay off her outstanding IRS tab.
The End (game) Is Near: Some Of The Millions Of Looks From The “Avengers: Endgame” Premiere
God bless ya if you’ve been able to keep up with all the fucking Avengers running around here these days. Just looking at the poster for the upcoming Avengers: Endgame movie takes so much concentration. I keep thinking I’m supposed to eventually see a sailboat or some shit. It’s a mess, and it gives me a throbbing, Thanos’ dick-sized migraine. But the poster isn’t nearly as much of a mess as the red carpet for last night’s premiere of Avengers: Endgame: Too Many Spidermen. Not only was every Groot, Korg and Kraglin Obfonteri from the movies there, all the Marvel universe TV characters were there too. It must have been the least exclusive guest list to hit Hollywood since the premiere of Gotti. I mean, they even let Colin Jost in!
Open Post: Hosted By Chris Hemsworth’s New Quokka Friend
According to Wikipedia, a quokka is a “is a small macropod.” What the entry fails to mention is how adorable quokkas are! They’re so adorable nibbling on little bamboo shoots or whatever that they even take some of the spotlight off of Thor Odinson (aka thirst deity Chris Hemsworth)!
Chris Hemsworth Is Going To Play Hulk Hogan In A Netflix Biopic
Great news for everyone who loves watching Chris Hemsworth with his shirt off, which I’m assuming is everyone with a pulse: he’ going to play Hulk Hogan. Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?! Oh wait–wrong one.
Miley Cyrus And Liam Hemsworth Probably Got Hitched Last Night
Roasted possum, moonshine burps, and eternal hillbilly love (which strangely enough, also smells like moonshine burps) were in the air in Franklin, Tennessee last night. Because either Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth got married in a casual wedding at home, or they decided to take advantage of the slow ass Christmas “news” week by fucking with us. But all signs point to them getting hitched, and I’m sure many a Cyruses are wondering why a wedding went down when Miley doesn’t look she’s got a stage 4 CASE OF THE BABIES and they didn’t hear the sound of a shotgun.