Who cares about THE QUEEN possibly making Prince Charles bust the nut of all nuts from finally handing over her crown and powers to him in two years (and you know that when she does, she’s going to quickly yank ’em back before saying, “SIKE, motherfucker!“). And who also cares about Prince Andrew’s connection to the child-raping dumpster hybrid of Scott Bakula and ALF. The British tabloids are really bringing us the royal news we need to ingest into our brain in order to close our eyelids to sleep tonight.
The Daily Mail says that if you were a lesser at Wimbledon who dared to use your iPhone to take a picture of Duchess Meghan, you probably aren’t reading this since you’re sitting in a dungeon. Even though Wimbledon was broadcast to millions around the world and there were photographers everywhere, Meghan apparently wouldn’t let the peasants use their peasant cameras to take a picture of her royal greatness.
Chicago PD Released A Lot More Evidence In The Jussie Smollett Case, Including Footage Of Him With A Rope Around His Neck
Chicago PD has been releasing all of the evidence that made them go from looking at Jussie Smollett as the victim of a hate crime to the diabolical STUNT QUEEN mastermind of a fake hate crime. They already released the 911 call made by Jussie’s friend/manager/whatever that night, and now they’ve released hours upon hours of footage that includes police cam footage of Jussie in his apartment with the rope around his neck and talking about how he has bleach all over him. Never mind that the neat freak in me wants to jump through the screen to scream at everyone, “How can you just stand there when there’s all that shit on the counter over there?!“, I am more disturbed by Jussie’s sweater. That sweater looks exactly like one my abuelita bought at the Tijuana/San Diego border and wore for centuries. Excuse me while I contact the Chicago PD to file a thieving bitch report against Jussie.
Seen above at Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan’s wedding last year, Prince Philip may have hatched a plan to save his grandson from marrying Meghan by interrupting the wedding, but then he went mimi times about 3 seconds in and later got distracted with opening some hardy candy. Because society journalist Sophia Money-Coutts (what a perfect name for a socialite) claims that the other PP told PHG to not marry Meghan. You might be thinking that Philip didn’t want Meghan to join the royal family because her 23andMe results wouldn’t come back as her being whiter than an albino dolphin’s bleached b-hole, but that’s crazy. We have always known Philip to be the King of Diversity and accepting of all people. Philip apparently didn’t want PHG to marry Meghan because he’s actressphobic.
Duchess Meghan And Prince Hot Ginge Are Splitting From Their Joint Charity With Duchess Kate And Prince William
It’s been a minute since we heard about how Prince Hot Ginge and Prince William end family dinners trying to pull at each other’s non-hair while scrapping on top of the table as the Duchesses take off their borrowed-from-the-Princess-Diana-collection earrings in preparation to tap in and THE QUEEN shouts, “Whoop that trick!“, to whichever grandson she favors the most at the time (SPOILER ALERT: PHG. It’s always PHG). Meanwhile, Prince George takes bets at the kids’ table from Charlotte, Louis, Master Archie, and Prince Philip.
After a little break, the Battle of the Royal Bald Spots is back on, and in this round, the Fab Four is no more as Meghan and PHG are making moves to split from the Royal Foundation. “That’s right, bitches, skedaddle off and start the much more fitting HO-yal Foundation,” screamed Prince William, probably.
Natalie Portman Says Moby Lied About Dating Her And He Was Actually An Older Man Creeping On A Teenager
Oh, Natalie Portman and Moby, they could’ve been the Queen and King of Vegans, but the only problem is, according to her, is that she never ever wanted to lick celery leaf butter off of his bald head (or whatever you vegans do during sex), and saw him more as a vegan Woody Allen creeping on a barely legal girl. “That’s slanderous! I’d never creep on someone legal,” cried Woody Allen.
When the podcast Britney’s Gram claimed that Britney Spears was being held against her will in a mental institution after refusing to take her meds, the #FreeBritney movement was born. What slightly pushed #FreeBritney away from totally sounding like a conspiracy theory from crazy fans wearing tinfoil hats made out of inside/out Cheetos bags was that Brit Brit’s mom Lynne Spears liked Facebook posts about #FreeBritney. And now Lynne is putting her Facebook likin’ finger where her mouth is (just pretend that makes sense) by demanding to know what is going on with her daughter’s mental health treatment. That tells me that Lynne doesn’t know what’s been going on with her daughter’s situation. That’s weird to me as someone with a mother who knows everything and anything about him at all times and has called his drunk ass at 10pm on a Friday night to say, “Don’t even think of opening up a second bottle of wine,” as I’m about to open up a second bottle of wine.