66-year-old Dennis Quaid was supposed to marry Laura Savoie, his 27-year-old Ph.D. student girlfriend of about a year, back in April in Hawaii, but then that hater of true love known as coronavirus came along and tried to ruin it. Well, coronavirus may have fucked up a lot of things (read: EVERYTHING) but it has not messed with the everlasting love between a sun-roasted daddy and the woman who is one year younger than his oldest son. Because Dennis and Laura eloped earlier this month. Every cherub in the world would breathe a long sigh of relief over true love prevailing but they don’t want to get corona!
How’s this for tragic: The Rock put a rock on it, and now Lauren Hashian, The Rock’s girlfriend and mother to his 2 pebbles, can go around calling herself Mrs. The Rock, yet she chooses not to. I will never, ever understand people. According to People, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson revealed on Instagram that he and Lauren got married in Hawaii with minimal hooplah. Pfft! If I were marrying The Rock, not only would I go around yelling at everybody “It’s Mrs. The Rock to you!”, I would have wasted so much of his money on unnecessary hoopla, it would make your head spin.
When it comes to celebrity weddings, there’s really two ways you can go. You can drop several million dollars on a week’s worth of events with hundreds of guests and several first-rights-to-publish contracts with your favorite glossy magazines. Or you can just sneak off to the courthouse in secret, sign some papers, and let the press know after the fact. That’s what Bradley Whitford and Amy Landecker did. “Oh, that must be why I didn’t get a wedding invitation!” through Amy’s delusional former TV mom Jeffrey Tambor.
We’re but one month away from the kickoff of every Pinterest-loving, The Bachelor-binging sorority girl’s favorite season, wedding season. But one person who won’t be nervously sweating Lady Speed Stick through her gown during wedding season is Zoe Kravitz, because she went ahead and took all the pressure off by secretly getting married to her fiancé Karl Glusman.
It was a bumpy lawn to hoe, but Nicolas Cage and his girlfriend of 3 years, or just under a year (depending who you ask) Erika Koike made it official by getting married at the Bellagio on the Las Vegas Strip on Saturday. According to Daily Mail and multiple eyewitnesses, Nic and Erika’s journey to the altar started out rough with Nic, drunk and belligerent, screaming that Erika’s boyfriend was a drug dealer and insisting he “wasn’t going to do it” down at the Clark County Marriage License Bureau earlier in the day. Nethertheless, they persisted.
Even though my ears and my eyes are deathly allergic to Ed Sheerhan (I had to snort 2 rails of Benadryl before tackling this story), I can concede that despite his oatmeal dander, he seems like a nice enough dude. And just to prove it, Ed did us all a favor. He went and got secret married, with nary a “hoop” nor a “la” to be seen. According to The Sun, Ed married his childhood sweetheart, Cherry Seaborn, at his country estate in Suffolk just before Christmas. There were only about 40 guests in attendance, and his home-scratch Taylor Swift was not one of them.