It’s insane to think you can top a quickie Vegas wedding officiated by an Elvis impersonator for class and glamour but Joe Jonas and bride Sophie Turner, went for it anyway. The already marrieds were married-married in Provence, France yesterday.
In case you didn’t really know, the Jonas Brothers are now grown up bad boys. Purity rings suck, having sex RULES! And the all-grown Jonas Brothers love to party. They party so hard, the police show up. And not because the police officer wants an autograph for their 8-year-old niece McKaylah.
The world’s least dangerous band, the Jonas Brothers, is the subject an Amazon Prime documentary called Chasing Happiness which, as far as I can tell, is about 3 brothers from New Jersey who start a band and become very rich and famous despite the fact that only one of them looks like he knows how to fuck (Kevin don’t @me). In addition to the documentary, the threatened Jonas Brothers reunion is neigh, as is an album full of, I’m sure, Justin Timberlake rejected mid-tempo pop jams called Happiness Begins. For the first time since they broke up in 2013, Nick, Joe and the other one are all grown up, boo’d up, and opening up about what it was like being Disney’s bitch. Turns out they regret nothing. Well except for those purity rings.
Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner were both in Las Vegas last night. Joe was there with his brothers, Nick and Kevin, because the Jonas Brothers performed their first show together as a band since I graduated from high school. The Jonas Brothers did the Billboard Music Awards and I guess Joe was on such a high he just needed to tie the knot, because after the awards show, the middle Jonas with the biggest dick took his fiancé down to a lil’ Vegas chapel and had themselves a lil’ wedding. Get that new album promo!
When most couples celebrate a milestone in each other’s lives, they scrape their pennies together for a steak dinner at Outback before high-tailing it back home to fall asleep during mediocre sex they’ve been avoiding for weeks. Not Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra-Jonas, though. Though they’ve only been married a short time and have both admitted they didn’t know much about each other prior to getting hitched, the reality of their union is that they’re rich as hell and love to throw their wealth in our faces whenever they get a chance. Like recently when Nick bought Priyanka a ridiculously expensive Mercedes Maybach that she’ll probably only drive from the main house to the mailbox on days when she wants to feel more like common folk.
It’s Priyanka Chopra in one corner and Duchess Meghan in the other! Time for a round of: Rich And Famous Petty Drama–Wedding Edition, as Page Six is saying that Priyanka is mad at her super-famous super-royal best-friend for not attending her wedding. Someone call Samantha Markle–she finally has someone to bitch about Meghan with!