Olivia Jade must’ve been slowly dying inside over not being able to post on Instagram and all because her stupid parents, Lori Loughlin and Mossimo, RUINED EVERYTHING by getting caught allegedly paying her way into college so she go to game days and parties. Well, Olivia is back and she really showed the media by flipping ’em off while wearing a Snoop Dogg t-shirt. Obviously, Olivia is a real hard badass now that she’s experienced prison. Hey, not being able to post on Instagram is like prison to her.
In case you didn’t really know, the Jonas Brothers are now grown up bad boys. Purity rings suck, having sex RULES! And the all-grown Jonas Brothers love to party. They party so hard, the police show up. And not because the police officer wants an autograph for their 8-year-old niece McKaylah.
One Of The Dudes From 5 Seconds Of Summer Hurt Justin Bieber’s Feelings During A Rolling Stone Interview
For those of you staring at this picture and wondering “For why am I looking at an off-brand Sum 41 in low-budget Dixie Chicks drag?” or looking at the second-from-the-left dude and thinking “I didn’t know Liam McPoyle had a son who was in a band“, it’s actually a band called 5 Seconds of Summer. You know, the current favorite band of your niece who asked for a Hot Topic gift card and a tub of Manic Panic hair dye for Christmas.
Anyway, 5SOS recently did an interview with Rolling Stone, during which their guitarist, Michael Clifford (the Chuckie Finster looking one that Chanel #5 wrote a breakup song about last year), spread his ass cheeks and squeaked out a stinky teen boy fart on Justin Bieber. I wasn’t aware that 5SOS had a problem with Justin Bieber, but 5SOS is trying really hard to be hard (see: their whole Rolling Stone interview) and nothing says “badass” like the baddest boy in your boy band throwing a pinch of shade at the current hardest toddler on the daycare playground.
Despite the fact that he looks like a human bag of weed 99.9% of the time, Johnny Depp is raging like The Hulk under all those chill dad hobo hipster layers. Johnny is super pissed that Australia charged his mid-life-crisis wife Amber Heard with aggravated Yorkie smuggling, and now he’s ready to fight for his love! Or at least whoop a trick so he can join her in prison. In the event you need an “Uh…what?” face, Johnny is giving them out for free above.
We as a people disagree on pretty much everything, but I think we can all agree that abandoned dog shit is the worst. It drives people crazy and I’ve seen tricks nearly throw punches over it. I don’t like that mess either, because every time I walk my dog and he sees a pile of unclaimed doggy dumps on the sidewalk, he has to try to sniff it and I don’t want to see that nasty scat queen side of him. Not yesterday. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever. But as much as everyone hates un-picked up pooch caca, nobody hates it as much as Sandra Bullock’s new piece Bryan Randall. If he sees you not picking some up, he’ll pick it up for you and then smear it all over your door.
It turns out Taylor Swift’s bathroom cry fest freakout wasn’t the most middle school-y thing to happen to Taylor Swift after the Golden Globes on Sunday night. According to Star magazine, Taylor went from heartbroken prom queen to class-skipping bad influence popular girl by peer pressuring her 18-year-old high school friend Lorde to get her drink on at a Golden Globes afterparty.
A source says Taylor was drinking a rum and coke, but decided to switch to wine, at which point the source says she started “feeding her rum and coke to Lorde.” Tay Tay apparently told Lorde she didn’t have to drink if she didn’t want to, but reassured her that “rum is so good!” Lorde then took a sip, liked it, and ordered a rum and coke for herself. “And if you like that” Taylor’s bad ass alter-ego Tylor said “then I bet you’ll also love cigarettes. Look, I snuck two from my mom’s purse. Let’s smoke them!”
Taylor also apparently made the classic middle school mistake of drinking on an empty stomach. The source added that Tay Tay didn’t eat anything, and when a server brought In-N-Out to her table, she just picked at it. EXCUSE ME? She just picked at it? She must not have been drinking as much as we thought, because no drunk can resist the siren song of a greasy In-N-Out cheeseburger.
And to add another melodramatic chapter to the YA novel that is her life, Taylor followed up her messy Golden Globes night with an awkward run-in with Harry Styles on Wednesday night at the birthday party for King of Leon singer Caleb Followill. OMG poor Tay Tay! What’s next, finding out she’s also been cut from the volleyball team?
Speaking of middle school, here’s Tay Tay looking like a homeschooled girl named Teighlor as she makes her way to a ballet class in Beverly Hills yesterday: