Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner were both in Las Vegas last night. Joe was there with his brothers, Nick and Kevin, because the Jonas Brothers performed their first show together as a band since I graduated from high school. The Jonas Brothers did the Billboard Music Awards and I guess Joe was on such a high he just needed to tie the knot, because after the awards show, the middle Jonas with the biggest dick took his fiancé down to a lil’ Vegas chapel and had themselves a lil’ wedding. Get that new album promo!
Joe and Sophie have been engaged since October 2017, but they took that shit all the way and decided to get hitched last night and did it the opposite of Nick and Priyanka Chopra’s non-stop wedding extravaganza. Sophie’s wedding to Joe was much better than the Red Wedding on Game Of Thrones. I mean, sure Diplo was there dressed as a gay cowboy who recently came out and is still kind of dressing like a straight guy, but nobody got stabbed so that’s a win! While this was in a chapel in Las Vegas and we normally classify those that type of thing as a wasted spur of the moment decision, this was fully planned.
People says that Joe applied for a marriage license in Clark County, Nevada, so they are legitimately married and planned to be. There was no wasted, tequila-infused decision (at least not on this specific night) they wanted to have an Elvis impersonator marry them in front of their friends at the Chapel L’Amour. Elegance is learned, honey, and this is… definitely something.
You know what was definitely elegant? Diplo live-streaming a lot of the ceremony on his Instagram feed:
— Pop Crave (@PopCraveNet) May 2, 2019
Did you see that greasy cowboy look? That perfectly white shirt tucked all the way into those jeans? Am I disgusting that I still would kind of let him bang me? I’m sick, I know–I need to speak to somebody.
TMZ has sources who tell them that Sophie and Joe booked the whole chapel for themselves, so all the drunk messes hoping to make bad decisions would just have to go somewhere else between the hours of 8:00pm and midnight. And the guy who officiated dressed up as one of America’s tackiest icons, Jesse Grice, AKA, Reverend Elvis, said that he was booked for this wedding a week ago. So this was planned a week ago. Apparently last night was what would have been the 52nd anniversary of Elvis’ marriage to Priscilla.
I hope Sansa Stark ends up happy with Big-Dick Joe Jonas. Joe seems like a nice guy, he helps you with period cramps and also swings that dick around proper (according to him), so that sounds like an ideal husband to me, I guess? And, I mean, all that planning? That’s how you do a Vegas wedding the right way. Nicolas Cage needs to take note.
Here’s pictures of the Jo Bros hitting the Billboard Music Awards red carpet:
Pic: TMZ, Wenn.com