Somewhere, A Granny Is Missing Her Favorite Playtex Support Bra

Halsey is one of the music industry’s most frequent red carpet messes, so it’s not a surprise that she would show up to the Billboard Music Awards last night in an outfit that says: “Book my stylist the next appointment at the nearest Pearle Vision.”

That bra is all kinds of tragic. It’s both too big and too small, like some kind of physics-defying underwire nightmare. If that bra could talk, it would beg Halsey to leave it at home and take a set of nipple pasties instead. On the upside, it is nice to see that someone finally purchased the most discounted bra from the clearance section of Ross. But don’t cry for Halsey’s bra. I see a bright future for it. I bet an agent has already signed it to appear as the uncomfortable before bra in an Ahh Bra infomercial.

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Halsey Served Up Some T-Boz Realness At The Grammys

The Grammys are the time and place for some high fashion fuckery. You can go high concept crazy (see: CeeLo Green), or you can go tacky casual with a twist of try hard. Halsey chose the latter. Halsey told Giuliana Rancic that her look was “a little TLC, a little Aaliyah.” When I first saw Halsey on the red carpet, I immediately got a T-Boz in the Creep video vibe. Halsey must have realized that she couldn’t blatantly rip-off such a legendary look without receiving a cease-and-desist, and so she added her own spin. And in this case, her spin was to ditch the matching robe and walk down the red carpet with her tits out. She also went with her natural hair, which was a choice. Personally I would have gone full-homage to T-Boz with some bangs and side-curtains. But I’ll give her a pass on this one. If she didn’t have time to steam the wrinkles out of her ensemble, I doubt she had time to clip on some hair.

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Lady Gaga Gave Her Pink Hat The Night Off

I know Lady Gaga’s thing right now is hats, specifically that pink one that’s practically the official mascot of her Joanne promotional tour. So I shouldn’t have been surprised that she showed up to the American Music Awards last night in her biggest, stiffest-brimmed hat. It was nice of her to switch out that pink hat for the evening. I’m sure it was starting to get all limp from all the sweaty forehead foundation it was no doubt collecting and could use a good soak before the Grammys in February. Sorry AMAs, but you get the backup hat.

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Who Worked It Better?

I know it’s redundant of me to even ask, because we all know that Sue Ellen Mischke from Seinfeld has, is, and forever will always work the bra-under-a-blazer look the best. But Amber Rose is coming in a very close second. We all know that Amber Rose has a habit of bringing ten tons of jaw-dropping eleganza to the MTV VMAs. Sometimes she goes straight-up stripper, other times she keeps it a little more demure. This year she went tasteful and sophisticated with just a hint of “Oh, these?”

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Possible Coachella Hookup Alert: Jared Leto And Halsey

If Leo DiCaprio is the king of Coachella, then I think it’s safe to say that Jared Leto is the prince. And it appears he might have taken a princess this weekend at the annual jorts convention. The lucky lady in question is singer and victim of social media abuse Halsey. There’s a 23-year age difference between these two, but damn if they don’t look like they were born within seconds of each other. I’m sure the internet is furiously typing hipster Wonder Twins fanfic about these two as we speak.

A few pictures of Jared Leto looking like a late-in-life Jordan Catalano while hugging on Halsey at Coachella hit the internet this morning. I know they say a picture is worth 1000 words, but these pictures require the following: They’re doing it, right?

Jared Leto gets flirty at Coachella https://t.co/XJahm1XaYF pic.twitter.com/8QrcRrhu7j

— Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) April 18, 2016

People says Jared and Halsey – who was there to perform – were also seen “standing together” while watching a performance. I took a few online body language classes before my credit card was declined, so I consider myself a bit of an expert. Now, I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure Halsey and Jared’s twisted-up bodies and close-standing say “We just hooked up in a VIP tent.” I don’t know if Coachella actually provides VIP tents for sloppy mid-day hookups for famous people, but I would assume so. Coachella is nothing but an authentic festival experience.

Of course, this could just be two friends who took a bit too much E and couldn’t stop snuggling with each others auras (it happens). Or maybe Halsey got day drunk and mistook Jared for her maybe-girlfriend Ruby Rose. That would be the most convincing excuse if it gets to that point. “I honestly thought it was you! Although now that I think about it, the giant hard thing pressing into my lower back clearly wasn’t a smuggled-in bottle of booze.”

Pics: Wenn.com

Charlize Theron Worked Some Elegant Exterminator Couture At The Premiere Of “The Hunstman: Winter’s War”

The Los Angeles premiere of The Hunstman: Two Angry Queens (or Winter’s War, whatever) happened at Westwood Village Theatre last night, and Charlize Theron decided to remind everyone that she used to get nothing but trash roles by strutting onto the red carpet covered in bugs. Obviously that’s a reach; I doubt that’s the reason why Charlize is covered in bugs. In all seriousness, it’s probably because it takes a year’s worth of hot showers to fully remove Sean Penn’s dirty wiener stink from your body.

Red carpets are usually a boring mess, so I appreciate that Charlize wore a dress with a bunch of sequined insects crawling around on a piece of cheap nude illusion fabric. There’s no rhyme or reason to those bugs either; it looks like they’re all searching for the exit. Those bugs don’t want to be at the premiere of The Huntsman 2, they want to be at the In-N-Out behind the Westwood, making bug babies on an uneaten pile of double-doubles in the dumpster.

At the very least, they don’t want to accidentally run into the crazy marker-huffing hillbilly chiggers that may have hitched a ride on Miley Cyrus. Miley was apparently there with her two-time-fiance Liam Hemsworth, but they decided to keep a low profile and skipped out before the lights came on.

Here’s more of Charlize at The Hunstman: Winter’s War last night, as well as everyone else who was there. Like Jessica Chastain, who is wearing a dress that looks heavier than the shit they put you in at the dentist to make sure the X-rays don’t liquefy your insides. And Emily Blunt, who is still very pregnant. Also included, Chris Hemsworth, whose rock-hard Thor thighs are 0.3 seconds from busting the side-seams of his pants (I don’t mind). Also, for some reason, Faye Dunaway was there? Although she doesn’t really need a reason, since Faye Dunaway is a legend and can walk any red carpet she damn well pleases.

Pic: Splash, Wenn.com