Category: Billboard Music Awards 2017
And Then There Was Cher!
When Celine Dion knocked hos over with her angelic voice while dressed like Alexis Carrington going to her rival’s wedding, the other Billboard Music Awards performers not named Cher should’ve started packing up their shit. And when Cher took the stage, they should’ve picked up their shit and headed toward the nearest exit, because their services were no longer needed. Being a Billboard Music Awards performer who wasn’t Cher or Celine was like being the raw vegetable platter at a Super Bowl party. Everybody only touched the vegetables because they were waiting until the real stars of the night, the pizza dip and pigs in a blanket, were brought out.
Somewhere, A Granny Is Missing Her Favorite Playtex Support Bra
Halsey is one of the music industry’s most frequent red carpet messes, so it’s not a surprise that she would show up to the Billboard Music Awards last night in an outfit that says: “Book my stylist the next appointment at the nearest Pearle Vision.”
That bra is all kinds of tragic. It’s both too big and too small, like some kind of physics-defying underwire nightmare. If that bra could talk, it would beg Halsey to leave it at home and take a set of nipple pasties instead. On the upside, it is nice to see that someone finally purchased the most discounted bra from the clearance section of Ross. But don’t cry for Halsey’s bra. I see a bright future for it. I bet an agent has already signed it to appear as the uncomfortable before bra in an Ahh Bra infomercial.
Drake Set A Single-Year Record At The Billboard Music Awards
At last night’s Billboard Music Awards, Drake was the Prom King, Prom Queen, Most Devastating Smile, Maple-Dipped Hottie, and the drunk chick who grabs a bunch of awards while everyone is on the dance floor screaming to Party Rock Anthem. He won everything.