Charlize Theron Doesn’t Really Know What “Ghosting” Is But Says She Didn’t Do That Shit To Sean Penn

When Charlize Theron finally woke up from the dickmatized haze that the barbecued Alf doll Sean Penn put her under, there were rumors that she ghosted his ass. But in a new interview with the WSJ. magazine, Charlize says that she didn’t ghost Sean and she doesn’t even really know what “ghosting” is!

But before we get into Charlize busting a Casper on a bitch, she also got into the rumor that things between her and Sean were so serious that he wanted to adopt her son Jackson. Charlize tells WSJ. magazine that she and Sean were too new to have that conversation, and when she adopted her second child, she did it without him. I’m going to choose to believe that Charlize really just wanted to say, “Yeah, the dick made me crazy, but not THAT crazy, okay?”

“We were very, very new in a relationship. The stories saying that Sean was going to adopt Jackson and all of that were not true. It’s not something that happens in 18 months. You can’t do that to a child. So there was an understanding that I was a single mom with a very young boy who I had to put in a situation where he understood that Mommy dates but that he does not have a father, you know what I mean? You have to be very careful and very honest about that stuff. And Sean was great with all of that.

And in my honesty about wanting to have more kids, there was an understanding that a relationship had to go somewhere before it was going to be—what you hope for, which ultimately did not happen. I couldn’t foresee that, but that stuff takes time, and I think it’s my responsibility as a mother to protect my child from that. And so we had a very clear understanding. He knew that I was thinking about filing for another adoption but that we weren’t filing together. My publicist’s going to kill me; I’m already saying too much.”

As for the whole “ghosting” thing…

For those of you who are like Charlize and don’t know what it means to ghost a trick, “ghosting” is when you dump someone by disappearing. You don’t drop them in a face to face. You don’t do it in a text. You don’t even do it by giving them a mix-tape with songs like Eminem’s “Puke“ on it. You just POOF out of their lives. Charlize says that Sean didn’t hire the Ghost Hunters to track her down, because she didn’t ghost him. They just broke up.

“There is this need to sensationalize things. When you leave a relationship there has to be some fucking crazy story or some crazy drama. And the fucking ghosting thing, like literally I still don’t even know what it is. It’s just its own beast. We were in a relationship and then it didn’t work anymore. And we both decided to separate. That’s it.”

Charlize went on to say, “Yeah, I blocked all of Sean’s numbers from my phone, and put his e-mail address in my spam filter, and sure, whenever he comes knocking on my door, I make my housekeeper disguise herself as the new owner and tell him that Ms. Theron doesn’t live here anymore. And yeah, whenever I see him out in public, I throw a white sheet over my body and let out an, ‘OooooOooooOoooo.’ But no, I’m not ghosting him!”

You can read Charlize’s full interview here and here’s some pictures of her doing “I’ve got cramps but I’m going to keep it sexy” poses in WSJ.

Pics: WSJ. Magazine, Wenn.com