Category: Paris Jackson

Rita Ora Threw Taika Waititi A Big Celebrity-Filled 46th Birthday Party

August 19, 2021 / Posted by:

Rita Ora recently reminded us that she is still dating Oscar-winning director Taika Waititi. Not that she had to, considering they’re not exactly at a loss of reasons, ways, or places to remind people they’re together. But in honor of Taika’s 46th birthday on Monday, she went all out and threw him a huge birthday party complete with a personalized cake, giant balloons that spelled out his name, a mariachi band, and several dozen famous friends and acquaintances. And what’s the point of going to all that trouble if you’re not going to Instagram the hell out of it later? Thankfully, Rita remembered to do just that. Continue reading

Paris Jackson Says She’s Just Friends With Old Man Emile Hirsch

March 10, 2021 / Posted by:

The good news is that you’re not old until 22-year-old Paris Jackson says you’re old. But the bad news is that according to Paris, anyone over 35 is ancient. Back to the good news, Paris enjoys the company of people all ages. But I’ve got more bad news. Some of those people she enjoys are the embodiment of are bad news, specifically the practically geriatric 35-year-old lady-choker Emile Hirsch. But in better news, despite Emile posting a picture of the two of them together with the caption “hiding out with you” on Instagram, Paris insists they’re just friends. However, in the worst of newses, what Paris actually said was “he’s actually one of the youngest homies of mine,” the phrasing and content of which has made this old crone right here break out in shingles and my last original tooth is now hanging by a thread.

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There’s A Petition To Block The Release Of A Movie Starring Paris Jackson As A Lesbian Jesus

July 1, 2020 / Posted by:

The super-Christians are mad again but not because some lesbian teens kissed on a show, or because a boy put a princess dress on. Entertainment Tonight says that a petition has been signed by over 270,000 people in an effort to block the movie Habit from coming out. It stars 22-year-old Paris Jackson as a female Jesus. Excuse you, Jesus is a white man, Santa is a white man, James Bond is a white man, and the Ghostbusters are white men. Only white men exist. STOP THE NONSENSE!

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50 Cent Claimed Chris Brown Was Better Than Michael Jackson, And Then Paris Jackson Tried To Check Him

September 7, 2019 / Posted by:

I’m not sure why people still don’t understand that 50 Cent is THEE Grand Master of Trolling. Whenever he gets involved with something, he makes sure there’s nothing but scorched Earth and tears left in his wake, because he ethers everything in his path like a Super Saiyan combo of Dorothy and Sophia from Golden Girls. And 50’s got smoke for anyone who gets in his way, regardless of their legacy. Need proof? Go ask Paris Jackson. Because 50 dragged her dad after she said something about him claiming that Chris Brown is a better performer than Michael Jackson.

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Chris Martin And Dakota Johnson Might Have Gotten Back Together

August 2, 2019 / Posted by:

Break out the dildos, sex robots, candle wax, and and fetish gear. America’s sexiset couple are back together! Us Weekly reports that Chris Martin and Dakota Johnson’s insane sexual chemistry has brought them back together just a month after they reportedly broke up. I guess those matching infinity tattoos weren’t a laughable mistake after all!

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Paris Jackson Is Out Of The Hospital And Denying Suicide Reports

March 17, 2019 / Posted by:

TMZ claimed yesterday that Paris Jackson attempted suicide at her home in L.A. and was put on a 5150 hold. They claimed the fallout from Leaving Neverland was too much for Paris to take. A disputing source told People that Paris was hospitalized due to an “accident,” and she’s now back home and “doing fine.” Paris herself backed this up on Twitter.

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