Miley Cyrus Is The Hillbilly Chipmunk Queen of Subtlety

January 18, 2016 / Posted by:

Liam Hemsworth spends a chunk of his morning scrubbing dried chipmunk smegma out of his crotch bush in the shower and that could mean only one thing: He’s really bumping genitals with Miley Cyrus again.

Miley and Liam supposedly became a thing again last month and well, I guess they’re picking up right where they left off, because TMZ has pictures of her moving some of her stuff into his house in Malibu. “Sources” (aka probably Billy Ray Cyrus who wanted extra Taco Party Pack money) say that Miley spent all week moving her crap into Liam’s house. Miley also posted this extremely subtle picture on Instagram of her casually showing off the engagement ring that Liam gave her in 2012.

Two things:

1. In the pictures at TMZ, Miley and her friends are moving her stuff out of a U-Haul. If Miley is going to call the paps and put this stunt together, she should at least make it believable. Like Miley uses U-Haul to move. We all know that Miley probably pays little people in Oompa Loompa costumes to move her stuff, because she thinks it’s quirky, cute and edgy.

2. Never mind that Miley looks like the oops baby of Paddington Bear and Strawberry Shortcake in that picture, she needs to work on flashing her engagement ring while looking like she’s not trying to flash her engagement ring on purpose. That’s not how it’s done. What she needed to do was tweet a picture of her giving Liam a hand job with the hand that her hitchin’ ring is on. That’s how it’s done. And yes, I only said that because I want to see a picture of Liam’s peen.

Here’s Miley wearing my abuelita’s least favorite house dress in NYC today.

Pics: Splash

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