Hey all, I’m thrilled to be joining the writer slaves who toil for Michael K! I’m queer, I’m here, and I love a bagel and a shmear! I live in the crazy alternative universe that is Florida. And I’m the only one here who does not own a gun, which will probably get me kicked out of the state for admitting, but there you go. Now let’s get into Solange kicking herself out of Coachella.
Solange Knowles, AKA “Basement Baby”(christened by Michael K, lo these many years ago) is apparently sitting out Coachella…in the basement, or rather, in the studio, according to Vulture. Coachella tweets that it’s due to “major production delays.”
At This Performance Of Omaha Community Theater’s Production Of “Perestroika,” The Role Of The Angel Will Be Played By…
Pro tip: If you’re going to a party dressed like an intergalactic go-go dancing angel complete with ten hundred foot wide wings and you have to travel in a convertible since your ass can’t fit in a regular car, make sure that convertible is working right. Or else your big grand dramatic entrance will turn into a scene from the saddest parade ever:
Taylor Swift wasn’t at the Met Gala last night, but I’m sure that earlier in the night, she was in front of Katy’s hotel taking some pliers to that car’s wires as Olivia Benson and Meredith Grey played lookout.
OK, so I’m honestly a little surprised Matthew Knowles hasn’t said anything about Solange whooping Jay-Z’s ass in an elevator for treating Beyoncé in a manner that we all later saw explained in Lemonade. Matthew showed up on The Wendy Williams Show earlier this week to give his thoughts on the 2014 elevator whooping. Continue reading
As if Madonna needed to physically show us how thirsty she is. We know, girl!
Every year, Madonna descends upon the Met Gala with more excitement than a clown who just snorted a line of crushed espresso beans. Last night was no different. Madonna showed up in Duck Dy-Nasty camo couture, swigging something from a canteen. Who cares what the theme was; Madonna wanted to do drunk Bass Pro Shops beauty pageant queen, and so that’s what Madonna is gonna do.
Of course, Madonna did disappoint a teeny tiny bit. I’m of course talking about the fact that her ass – arguably the Met Gala’s most frequent guest – was nowhere to be seen last night. Given the theme of her ensemble, she could have taken it further by letting her ass cheeks flop around behind her like two plucked mallards. Madonna’s look was done by Jeremy Scott for Moschino, so I blame him for that.
The Grammys are the time and place for some high fashion fuckery. You can go high concept crazy (see: CeeLo Green), or you can go tacky casual with a twist of try hard. Halsey chose the latter. Halsey told Giuliana Rancic that her look was “a little TLC, a little Aaliyah.” When I first saw Halsey on the red carpet, I immediately got a T-Boz in the Creep video vibe. Halsey must have realized that she couldn’t blatantly rip-off such a legendary look without receiving a cease-and-desist, and so she added her own spin. And in this case, her spin was to ditch the matching robe and walk down the red carpet with her tits out. She also went with her natural hair, which was a choice. Personally I would have gone full-homage to T-Boz with some bangs and side-curtains. But I’ll give her a pass on this one. If she didn’t have time to steam the wrinkles out of her ensemble, I doubt she had time to clip on some hair.
It’s been over two years since Solange won the lightweight championship for her elevator beatdown on Jay Z. Most of us forgot about it (not really), but that shady Tina Lawson brought it all back when she posted a picture on Instagram of her daughter Basement Baby Leonard, BB’s 12-year-old son Daniel Julez Smith and Jay Z in the same elevator together. The picture was most likely taken backstage at Saturday Night Live. Mama Tina just couldn’t let Basement Baby have her lone time in the spotlight and outshine that other one for once!
Mama Tina hit the delete button on that pic and Yahoo! thinks she got rid of it because she realized she was bringing the messy family drama back. But please, Mama Tina knew that everyone had already screen shot it and so her mission was complete. With that said, I am slow clapping for Mama Tina’s shifty ways.
Julez looks a little scared in the face and who can blame him? The last place in the world you ever want to be is between Basement Baby and Jay Z in an elevator. Jay Z is laughing because the kid is between them, but if Julez moved away, his “haha” face would immediately turn into an “oh shit” face.
And here’s Solange dressed like the Tin Man going to a business meeting at last night’s CFDA Vogue Fashion Fund Awards in NYC.