MTV VMAs Open Post: Hosted By Amber Rose Dripping In Pure Elegance

August 24, 2014 / Posted by:

The risk of getting metal poisoning on her pussy is a small price to pay to bring true demure glamour to the VMAs!

Earlier this morning, Amber Rose broke into Rose McGowan’s house, went to the back of Rose’s closet, pulled out the original SLUT DRESS Rose wore to the VMAs a million years ago and used it as the blueprint for her own VMAs “dress” (for lack of a better word). While I’m all for Amber Rose looking like a cross between the sex slave of a Home Depot store manager (he gets a good discount on metal chains) and the least popular day-shift stripper at a Thunderdome-themed strip club, I CAN NOT with her channeling the goddess of VMAs elegance Rose McGowan without showing her ass crack or tit knobs!!

If you’re going for “Rose McGowan at the 1998 VMAs” and your nipples aren’t able to breathe in the night air and your fried zucchini flower doesn’t make an appearance when you bend over, then you’re doing it wrong.

But you know, all that chain link is going to come in handy tonight. Because the audience can use it to haul Beyonce and her five ton ego off of the stage when she’s 8 minutes into her 15 minute set. Her setlist has leaked and apparently she’s doing a medley of her entire fucking album and it’s going to last 15 minutes.   Bitches should just change the VMAs to the BAAs (Beyonce Appreciation Awards) and call it a day.

My hotel in Mehico doesn’t get MTV (but it does get a música channel that played three Phil Collins videos in a row this morning), so I’m going to watch this mess on a livestream. Watching a 2 and a half hour train wreck on a livestream using hotel WiFi is a lot like having ass sex without lube. There’s a lot of screaming, there’s a lot of starting and stopping and there might be a little blood. I’m into it.

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