Noah Cyrus decided that she would do something most of us can get behind and defended Harry Styles from Candace Owens who thinks that real men don’t wear dresses. Candace should call the Pope, then. But the thing is, Miley Cyrus’ little sister went left in her delivery and chose to use a racial jab against Candace, forcing the internet to temporarily side with *gagging noises* Candace Owens.
The 2020 CMT Music Awards were held last night and while it was mostly socially-distanced with stars appearing via video from all over the world, that doesn’t mean we don’t get to critique their fashion choices. There was a distanced carpet, and there were performances, including Noah Cyrus keeping the definition of elegance alive by looking like a Fredrick’s of Hollywood Kacey Musgraves.
I’m beginning to get the sneaking suspicion that Machine Gun Kelly might not be marriage material. This year alone, MGK sparked rumors when he was seen leaving a Golden Globes after-party with his BFF’s ex, Kate Beckinsale, and just a few weeks after that he ignited speculation when he was seen arriving at a Grammys after-party with Noah Cyrus. This week finds him fanning the flames of intrigue after being seen leaving a nightclub with Demi Lovato. Somebody needs to get this guy some sturdy flame retardant underwear if he’s going to keep going at this rate.
I’m sure Grammy after parties are always rife with regrettable hookups and early morning trips to CVS for mouthwash, penicillin and Plan B. But sometimes whatever goes on after-hours on the Sunset Strip marks the beginning of a romance for the ages. And who’s to say it can’t be both! Us Weekly reports that Machine Gun Kelly and Noah Cyrus have sparked romance rumors after being each other’s date to a Grammys after-party. MGK was most recently linked to his friend Pete Davidson’s ex Kate Beckinsale, and Noah will forever be known as the sucker who let Lil Xan get away. Though Kate denied a relationship with MGK, through every fault of her own, she’s inadvertently thrown herself into the same dating pool as Lil Xan. A pool which needs to be drained, filled with cement, and to never have a housing development built on top of it lest we find ourselves in a Poltergeist situation where all the ghosts have shitty tattoos and a smoker’s cough.
And now for some news that proves that Thanksgiving week only gives us the most important stories…
When it comes to shocking break ups where everyone assumed the couple would be together forever, many names come to mind. Of course the most recent would be Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson, but a classic would also be Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. Another, less publicized but equally epic in terms of it’s love story, was the short-lived whirlwind romance of Noah Cyrus and Soundcloud rapper Lil Xan. The two of them broke up back in September, shocking the world and making Cupid hit the bottle hard as he tried to drown his sorrows of another star-crossed romantic failure. Well he better get himself another bottle of vodka, because Noah is putting a nail in the coffin of her once true love, saying that it was all a “mistake”.
Are you a mega rich bitch who is looking for something to waste your money on because you’ve gotten bored with burning it in front of the poor or blending it into lube to use while fucking a $2,000/hour escort in front of the poor? Well, the spawn of hillbilly possum Billy Ray Cyrus and former pro groupie Tish Cyrus has a new and perfect thing for you to waste your cash on while letting everyone know you’ve got more FuckIt money than you need.