Amber Heard Has Announced That She’s Made The “Very Difficult To Decision” To Settle The Johnny Depp Defamation Case
About two weeks ago, Amber Heard’s lawyers announced that they filed an appeal against a Virginia jury’s decision that she defamed Johnny Depp in her Washington Post op-ed piece about being a victim of domestic violence even though she never named him. If Amber won her appeal, then that would’ve opened up the doors to HELL again a new trial where a Virginia courtroom would once again be the setting for a disastrous landfill fire. Well, today, Amber announced that she’s decided she doesn’t want to put herself through the pain of another trial, so she’s dropped her appeal and settled with her ex so she can finally move on with her life. And you may want to put a clothespin on your nose today because hot stank fumes are definitely wafting off of Johnny Depp as he does another victory lap.
Amber Heard Has Filed An Appeal Asking For A Reversal Or A New Trial Against Johnny Depp’s Defamation Suit
Because dominating the press cycle with their marital drama from the years 2016 to present hasn’t quite been enough, both Johnny Depp and Amber Heard have now filed appeals to the Virginia court’s ruling in their most recent defamation trial, which ended with a jury siding with Johnny on all but one of Amber’s counter complaints. Earlier last month, Johnny filed to appeal the one judgment that went in Amber’s favor, and now, Amber’s filed an appeal to have the verdict overturned completely or be awarded an entirely new trial. Deadline reports that it could take years and the involvement of the Virginia Supreme Court “before this is settled, if it ever really is.” In which case, somebody might want to go nudge Helena Bonham Carter awake and offer her some extra long-acting smelling salts for when she passes right back out again after she learns her friend Johnny might not be “completely vindicated” after all.
Generally, well-tolerated kook Helena Bonham Carter admitted to having consulted a psychic to ask permission to play Princess Margaret on The Crown. But it doesn’t take a psychic to know that railing against “cancel culture” in defense of Johnny Depp and J.K. Rowling is a great way to transform yourself into a formally well-tolerated kook. Instead of paying some smelly hippy in a headband to read her Tarot cards, Helena could have just read the room and learned, FOR FREE, that J.K. and Johnny are perfectly capable of reminding us how much they suck without her help. Unless, of course, that smelly hippy with a headband was Johnny all along, posing as a psychic to trick HBC into accusing Amber Heard of jumping on the #MeToo bandwagon “because it’s the trend and to be the poster girl for it.” Say what you will about his aroma, but the man can really sell a bit!
Last week Rihanna threatened us with a disappointing time when we heard that Johnny Depp filmed a cameo in her Savage x Fenty Vol. 4 fashion show. Well, the show’s now streaming on Prime Video, and visually, I would describe it as Saturday Night Live Stefon’s wet dream. This show has everything: musical guests I’ve never heard of, a human cyclone, and a CGI-ed to the gods Johnny Depp loving on trees while making his best sexyface.
Welp. Rihanna’s only been a billionaire for a little over a year, and she’s already turned to the dark side. I guess since Kanye West is out of the way, Rihanna decided it was her turn to court unnecessary controversy by introducing some dark-sided shit at her upcoming Savage X Fenty Vol. 4 fashion show. According to TMZ, Rihanna will counter Kanye’s White Lives Matters shirts by featuring a “wife-beater” (per The Sun, don’t look at me!), Johnny Depp, to be the very first celebrity “wife-beater” (again, this is a settled point of law, don’t @ at me either!) to “grease” her stage. Ok, “grease” was all me. This brings the total of Billionaires We Can Tolerate back down to one. So congratulations once again to Mackenzie Scott. It must be lonely at the top.
I can hardly think of anything more romantic than standing in a court of law presenting a photograph of alleged human excrement left in the marital bed of your sexy movie star client in a failed effort to get a tabloid to take back calling him a “wife-beater.” And apparently, I’m not the only one! Us Weekly reports that the “chemistry” between Johnny Depp and Joelle Rich, one of the attorneys who represented him in his libel suit against The Sun, is “off the charts.” Which is really saying something given the jumbo XXL chart opposing counsel presented with his text message that read “I have no mercy, no fear and not an ounce of emotion or what I once thought was love for this gold digging, low level, dime a dozen, mushy, pointless dangling overused flappy fish market … I can only hope that karma kicks in and takes the gift of breath from her,” that ultimately divorced the title “wife beater” from the word “allegedly,” at least as far as The Sun is concerned. So it’s not like giant charts don’t exist, there just isn’t one that can accommodate the incredible chemistry between Johnny and Joelle. Sources claim “it’s serious between them. They are the real deal.” Oh, and did I mention that Joelle is currently married with two kids? Man, talk about a meet cute!