The 2020 Primetime Emmy Awards happened last night and it was hosted by Jimmy Kimmel who performed in front of like, three camera operators and a producer. There were cardboard cutouts instead of humans in the audience. Even though that sounds like a late-night TV host’s idea of Hell on Earth, Jimmy still put in the effort for all three hours.
To lighten up this year’s bleak circumstances for the isolated ceremony, Jimmy brought out a few people to help present awards, like his good pal Jennifer Aniston, who helped save him from a trashcan fire. A fitting, if not accidental, metaphor for the year so far. She also popped up in a mini Friends reunion, which was surely a nice little distraction for those who can say it hasn’t been their day, their week, their month, or even their year.
The “Fast Times At Ridgemont High” Reading Gave Us A Jerk-Off Scene Featuring Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston
The dreams of any remaining TEAM ANISTON t-shirt owners had already come true last month when it was reported that Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt would reunite for a live at-home reading of Fast Times at Ridgemont High. As promised, Jen and Brad reunited last night on Zoom for the Fast Times reading, to benefit Sean Penn’s CORE charity. And Brad and Jen must have been feeling extra charitable because they gave everyone at home an image for the ages by recreating the Phoebe Cates/Judge Reinhold jerk-off scene.
And In Totally True News, Katy Perry And Orlando Bloom Want Jennifer Aniston To Be Their Child’s Godmother
The Mirror (which means this entire story is 100% true) says that Katy Perry and Jennifer Aniston are like BFFs and have been spending a lot of time together during the coronavirus quarantine (or as Jen calls it, an “oddly beautiful” time) by going on socially distant walks and shit. Well, Katy is about to give birth to her first child, the child she made with Orlando Bloom, and sources say that Jen has already been asked to be their kid’s godmother. Please don’t tell me that Asian Brit, Katy Perry, is going to ask Prince Charles to be the godfather next.
Forget about a Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt marriage reunion. It’s a pipe dream. They ain’t the Burton-Taylor of our time and they’re not getting back together. Case in point: when Jen saw Brad at an Oscar’s after-party, she gave him a “Hiiii” before making a beeline for the Hammaconda’s host body, Jon Hamm.
Jennifer Anitson was interviewed by Sandra Bullock for the cover story of Interview Magazine, the bulk of which is just these two 90s queens blowing smoke up each others asses and reminiscing about the good old days (like how they both used to fuck Tate Donovan). The reason we’re here is to answer the question; why did Interview style and pose Jen to look like Woody from Toy Story? What in the H2T, broken down baby doll hell is going on here? Jen better be one of the first girls to find her way to Modelland once/if it opens to get some insider tips. Because, to the best of my knowledge, Jennifer has never been in a Disney/Pixar movie so this marginally animated toy look complete with Dreamworks smirk is confusing as hell.
Call it The One Where We Get Millions Of Dollars To Sit In A Room For An Hour because that’s basically what’s going to happen on the next episode of Friends. According to Deadline, Matthew Perry joining Instagram was the seventh seal of the Friendpocalypse and the details of the long-rumored, hour-long, unscripted reunion special to air on HBO Max, have been revealed. Deadline says that a deal has all but been finalized with all six Friends, Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Lisa Kudrow, David Schwimmer, Matt LeBlanc and Matthew Perry, “following tough negotiations.” Which I take to mean that each Friend’s agent repeatedly responded to offers with a laughing face emoji until finally responding with a money mouth face emoji. Each Friend reportedly “will be paid in the $3 million-$4 million range.” *upside down face emoji*