Either a third child is growing in Blake NotSoLively’s womb, or the double-stuffed chili cheese burrito and pizza fries she had for lunch brought out the bloat in a major way and she’s embracing that bloat positivity. Blake’s rep wouldn’t say, but I’m going with those offical breeders have bred again!
Since Blake’s antebellum fever dream version of GOOP shut down in 2015 (Forever4Get Preserve.us), she couldn’t announce her latest pregnancy in an exclusive photo shoot where she gracefully lies her pregnant body in a cotton field as models dressed in slave couture gently pat her dewy forehead with a wet lace rag. So instead, Blake did herself up like Totally Hair Barbie going to an Easter-themed prom in 1992 and brought her bump to her husband’s movie premiere in NYC last night.
After a years-long absence of her insufferable Fourth of July party, Taylor Swift is back, new, and improved. This time it’s all about the insufferable New Year’s Eve party! It’s been over two years since Taylor made her squad dress up and pose like an elementary school birthday party for her annual bE$t EvArRRr Independence Day party. Just when the squad thought it was safe to wear normal clothes to her parties, Taylor appears to have made everyone ring out 2018 in their best Party City costumes.
Obviously nothing can ever top the legendary sequinned charisma of Lil’ Kim’s purple nipple cover at the 1999 MTV VMA’s, but that’s not nearly a good enough excuse for people not to try. An iconic look is like rolling dice; you might wear something that ends up in one of those Best Looks of ALL TIME galleries for the rest of the internet’s existence, or you might be just wearing clothing. Cardi B could have shocked eyes by showing up in big hair, a dramatic cape, and no pants, but – yawn – been there, done that. Instead, Cardi B made her first red carpet appearance since giving birth last month in a purple gown by Nicolas Jebran and a pussycat wig. Cardi is giving me eccentric Beverly Hills housewife at a charity gala trying to steal the spotlight from her rival Bitsy Saint Claire. Wait a second – rich, attention-getting, short dark hair, daughter’s name spelled with an unnecessary K? Kris Jenner must be so flattered right now.
The Met Gala isn’t a human and isn’t even alive, and yet, that bitch is still getting more action than me.
The theme for the Met’s costume exhibit is Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and Catholic Imagination, but the dress code for the Gala was “Sunday best.” Now, my Sunday best is a faded black Dollywood t-shirt and some Fruit of the Loom sweat shorts covered with chicharron crumbs, wine splatters and lube drops from snacking, boozing and watching porn on my couch. But I guess “Sunday best” to famous rich hos is a crown that weighs more than their head and all of the fabric found in the “Perfect For Granny’s Living Room Curtains” section at Hobby Lobby.
Blake Lively has wiped all the pictures from her Instagram account and from the looks of things, she did it for the cultcha! Well, more accurately, she did it for the Emily Nelsons. People reports that Blake has sacrificed her “enviable fashion posts” and her “fan-loved pranks” to help promote her new movie called A Simple Favor about a woman named Emily Nelson who disappears.
The biggest successes of Ryan Reynolds’s career have been jokey anti-hero Deadpool and his bantering with the world on Twitter. Oh, and Nickolodeon’s Fifteen but I might be the only person who remembers that television epic.The IBTimes ran a piece from OK! about how Ryan and his wife Blake Lively are struggling to find quality time together and verging on divorce. Ryan seems unashamed to let people know he checks the Google alerts about himself. He clapped back in his “Ryan Reynolds: Jokey Canadian Movie Star” way.