The Duchesses Went To Wimbledon, And Didn’t Scratch Each Other’s Faces Off Or Send A Pic Taker To The Gallows
When Duchess Meghan went to Wimbledon last week, it turned into an international ESCANDALO where it became clear she’s the greatest threat to the British empire since (insert whoever was the greatest threat to the British empire because I definitely passed out in world history class during that part). Meghan was called a nightmare who sicced her security after any uncouth peasant who dared to take her picture at a public event, and caused the corneas of the upper-class to burn from the sight of her low-class peon rags (aka jeans).
You would think that all the courts at Wimbledon would’ve crumbled from the unforgivable crime of Meghan wearing jeans, but they didn’t. And at the Ladies Final at Wimbledon today, Meghan showed up with Duchess Kate and Third Wheel Pippa. They sat in the Royal Box in front of Martina Navratilova and an unamused memaw in a polka dress who is obviously thinking, “How dare that Kate show up in the dress I like to wear at Christmas dinner each year.”
Who cares about THE QUEEN possibly making Prince Charles bust the nut of all nuts from finally handing over her crown and powers to him in two years (and you know that when she does, she’s going to quickly yank ’em back before saying, “SIKE, motherfucker!“). And who also cares about Prince Andrew’s connection to the child-raping dumpster hybrid of Scott Bakula and ALF. The British tabloids are really bringing us the royal news we need to ingest into our brain in order to close our eyelids to sleep tonight.
The Daily Mail says that if you were a lesser at Wimbledon who dared to use your iPhone to take a picture of Duchess Meghan, you probably aren’t reading this since you’re sitting in a dungeon. Even though Wimbledon was broadcast to millions around the world and there were photographers everywhere, Meghan apparently wouldn’t let the peasants use their peasant cameras to take a picture of her royal greatness.
Duchess Meghan enjoyed a dinner at Ralph Lauren’s Polo Bar restaurant last night following day one of her tacky two-day American baby shower hosted by her tacky American friends. I’m surprised they still had an appetite after a playing the “Name That Poop” melted candy bar in a diaper game but they somehow still managed to dine. Joining Meghan at dinner was good friend Serena Williams who also attended the first shower. According to The Cut, Meghan’s surprise trip to New York City is winding down and she’s expected to leave the city today after her second show and probably after making a pit stop at a bodega for a sack full of bacon egg and cheese sammies for the plane.
Last year the MET Gala brought out all the high-class socialites and artists and dressed them up as Heavenly Bodies. Slutty cherubs, sexy devils and some knights with bad bob cuts descended on the Metropolitan Museum of Art and partied it up liked questionably-dressed idiots. Well, Vogue has announced what the theme is of the upcoming Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute’s Gala and it is on track to be their gayest theme yet. This year the 2019 spring exhibition will be: “Camp: Notes on Fashion.”
Serena Williams had a really shitty week at work. She got frustrated, lost her shit, and got into trouble with the powers that be. After accusing her immediate supervisor, US Open umpire Carlos Ramos, of being a thief (for taking a point away from her) and then abusing a racket, Serena was fined $17,000 for her behavior.
Serena later defended her outburst saying that female athletes aren’t afforded the same leeway when it comes expressing their emotions as their male counterparts. Sexism? In sports? Hard to believe! But ok. The USTA (US Tennis Association) and the WTA (Women’s Tennis Association) both supported Serena’s claims of sexism and decried the subjective way in which penalties are doled out. Their support has angered the umpires and they’re now threatening to boycott any matches in which Serena is playing.
Tennis deity and proud catsuit wearer Serena Williams lost the US Open women’s singles final to Naomi Osaka yesterday, but the real drama occurred when chair umpire Carlos Ramos penalized Serena for cheating during the match. Ramos claimed Williams was receiving coaching. Things escalated rather quickly from there. Serena eventually labeled Caros a “thief,” and called out sexism in tennis. She also ended up owing 17K in fines. It got very real at Arthur Ashe Stadium yesterday. Continue reading