The Hollywood Reporter says that a new show is on the horizon at Apple TV+ and it will be all about the mechanics of 80s camel toes. A show called Physical about a housewife-turned-aerobics instructor is coming. Get those camel-toe prosthetics ready! And the creators better be on their Spandex-slathered knees begging the Gods for Richard Simmons to come out of retirement to grace their show with a cameo.
This is not the Bobby Cannavale news I was hoping for. I have been making a wish every night on the light from an 8:55 to New York (I live under a flight path) for Bobby Cannavale to bust out a gorgeous retro wig and briefs and return to television. Vinyl tanked, and I was hoping someone with a “winners never quit” attitude would give him a second chance in a decade-later show called Cassette. Think about it, HBO – it’s not too late! That’s obviously not what we’re talking about here. The only one who gets to enjoy Bobby Cannavale in sexy underwear at the moment is Rose Byrne. And it’s evident she’s been taking advantage of such, because she’s currently knocked-up again.
As if Madonna needed to physically show us how thirsty she is. We know, girl!
Every year, Madonna descends upon the Met Gala with more excitement than a clown who just snorted a line of crushed espresso beans. Last night was no different. Madonna showed up in Duck Dy-Nasty camo couture, swigging something from a canteen. Who cares what the theme was; Madonna wanted to do drunk Bass Pro Shops beauty pageant queen, and so that’s what Madonna is gonna do.
Of course, Madonna did disappoint a teeny tiny bit. I’m of course talking about the fact that her ass – arguably the Met Gala’s most frequent guest – was nowhere to be seen last night. Given the theme of her ensemble, she could have taken it further by letting her ass cheeks flop around behind her like two plucked mallards. Madonna’s look was done by Jeremy Scott for Moschino, so I blame him for that.
All together now (in the voice of Timbaland): Your hips, your thighs, you got me hypnotized, let me tell you….
Zac Efron, the former teen actor that Mickey Mouse created using the DNA of a bronzer stick and a Disney princess doll, slipped back into his casual freakum shorts yesterday to shoot scenes for Neighbors 2: Zac Efron Better Be Naked In This One Or I’m Going To Cause A Scene While Screaming For A Refund At The Movie Theater Customer Service Desk. But really, I’m guessing that in this one Zac Efron’s character finds God and becomes a strict Catholic who dresses conservatively, because this is the most clothes he’s worn in a movie in a while.
And I haven’t seen the first Neighbors, but does Rose Byrne play a free-spirited community college drama teacher, because that outfit…
Almost three years ago, human jewel Tim Curry had a major stroke that left him in a bad way. Since then, humanity has been asking “Where the hell is Tim Curry to show these bitches how it’s really done?” and I think I asked that question out loud while watching Christopher Walken in NBC’s Peter Pan Live! Tim Curry has been laying low and recovering with the help of physical therapy. At last night’s Actors Fund Tony Awards Viewing Party in Los Angeles, Tim Curry rolled onto the red carpet to receive a lifetime achievement award for his contributions to making ass lips pucker by swishing, swaying and serving pure talent in Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Worst Witch, etc… etc…
Tim, who’s my favorite age (69), still has to use a wheelchair to get around, but he told Los Angeles Magazine during an interview about his lifetime achievement award from the Actors Fund that he’s doing okay.
Since your stroke you have made limited public appearances. How are you doing and are you looking forward to the Actors Fund event?
I’m doing well and I’m looking forward to it. I’ve done a few benefits for the Actors Fund and I think it’s a marvelous organization. I hope not to have to use it.
How important is your sense of humor to you?
Vital. Absolutely vital. It’s not tough to maintain. It is just part of my DNA.
When I woke up this morning, I saw all these headlines about how Tim Curry was honored at the Tonys. I drunkenly watched every single second of the Tonys (because as a gay dude who once lived in NYC I like to play a game of “Oh Shit, My Friend Totally Blew That One Chorus Boy In A Gay Bar Bathroom” while watching it) and I didn’t remember Tim Curry showing up at all. I almost looked up information for the nearest AA group, because I obviously have a problem if booze ate my memory of seeing a legend like Tim Curry at the Tonys. But after injecting coffee directly into my brain, I realized he was at a Tony viewing party. Tim should’ve been at the actual Tonys, though. They should’ve cut that ship wreck of a Finding Neverland performance and let Tim sing a Rocky Horror/Annie/The Worst Witch/Spamalot medley as he descended from above in his wheelchair. That’s what the Tonys needed.
Here’s a few more pictures of Tim Curry at the Actors Fund Tony Viewing Party. I also threw in a million pictures from the actual Tonys of Bernadette Peters, Chita Rivera and other Broadway legends like Gigi Hadid, Ashley Greene and that model who got naked in a Robin Thicke video.