Hey all, I’m thrilled to be joining the writer slaves who toil for Michael K! I’m queer, I’m here, and I love a bagel and a shmear! I live in the crazy alternative universe that is Florida. And I’m the only one here who does not own a gun, which will probably get me kicked out of the state for admitting, but there you go. Now let’s get into Solange kicking herself out of Coachella.
Solange Knowles, AKA “Basement Baby”(christened by Michael K, lo these many years ago) is apparently sitting out Coachella…in the basement, or rather, in the studio, according to Vulture. Coachella tweets that it’s due to “major production delays.”
Coachella tweeted this yesterday:
Due to major production delays, Solange will unfortunately no longer be performing at this year's festival. She sends her sincerest apologies, and looks forward to performing at Coachella in the future.
— Coachella (@coachella) April 8, 2019
Huh? Her album When I Get Home, dropped last month. I know that Coachella starts on April 12th and that’s only four days away (hey kids–time to pull out your Spandex onesie with rainbow colored crotch pouch !) So I’m wondering what are her production delays? Getting the feather boas and crazy-ass, live iguana bustiers fitted to her interpretive dancers? Or was there a delay with the edgy, third-year USC film student who was shooting the French Sad Clown video that was to be projected on the green screen behind Solange?
But wait! This just in from TMZ. They’re saying that the real reason she’s dropping out is because her musicians are dropping like flies.
“Sources close to production tell TMZ … members of Solange’s band started getting sick, and she couldn’t find the right mix of replacements. We’re told Solange tried out several different musicians, but it just didn’t work … mainly because Solange and co. couldn’t figure out how to work in all the new pieces.”
Look, I know it’s hard for Solange, being the little sis of You Know Who and repeating her mantra, “Dammit, I rule the world too!” a thousand times a day. But listen, Solange, you don’t need production!! You don’t even need to sing! Not at Coachella! It’s just a big fashion show, honey, and that’s what you’re GOOD AT!! I mean, look:
Who else but you, darling, can pull off a…half skirt with a grandma bathing suit bottom and matching jacket thingy…right? Sure! That whole blasphemy of an ensemble says “Maybe I don’t rule the world, but darn tootin’ I rule Coachella!!!”