At the 2001 Oscars, Björk laid a swan egg on the red carpet. The baby swan in that egg is now grown up and looks like this. Feel old yet?
If Amelia Earhart crashed her plane onto an island ruled by a cult who considers Missy Elliott their God and they took her falling from the sky as a sign and declared her as their Pontiff, this is what she would look like.
As if Madonna needed to physically show us how thirsty she is. We know, girl!
Every year, Madonna descends upon the Met Gala with more excitement than a clown who just snorted a line of crushed espresso beans. Last night was no different. Madonna showed up in Duck Dy-Nasty camo couture, swigging something from a canteen. Who cares what the theme was; Madonna wanted to do drunk Bass Pro Shops beauty pageant queen, and so that’s what Madonna is gonna do.
Of course, Madonna did disappoint a teeny tiny bit. I’m of course talking about the fact that her ass – arguably the Met Gala’s most frequent guest – was nowhere to be seen last night. Given the theme of her ensemble, she could have taken it further by letting her ass cheeks flop around behind her like two plucked mallards. Madonna’s look was done by Jeremy Scott for Moschino, so I blame him for that.
We’ve been shitting up post after post from last night’s Adele Appreciation Ceremony (Featuring Adele Appreciating Beyonce), but another awards show happened yesterday. Two weeks before Hollywood gets dressed up in $15,000 gowns to lick each other’s taints and jack one another off at the Oscars, they got into $15,000 gowns to lick each other’s taints and jack one another off at the BAFTAs last night.
Another day, another baby! Yep! Another baby! I fucking told you this would happen and it’s worse than I thought it would be! Yesterday, Chelsea Clinton and her truck stop killer-looking husband, Marc Mezvinsky, said “hi” to their new son, Aidan. And today, on Father’s Day, English grand thespian, Eddie Redmayne, has upped the stakes in this game of improv we call life by saying “yes” to a baby. His wife, Hannah Bagshawe, gave birth to their daughter, Iris May Redmayne, earlier this week but they released a statement about it today.
They made the statement through the The Times UK, reports E!. There were reports that Hannah was carrying a wee one inside her baby making parts back in December and the couple confirmed in January. Speaking to the Daily Mail, the couple’s rep said, “I can confirm that Eddie and Hannah Redmayne have welcomed their first child.” Eddie and Hannah have been together since 2012 and got hitched in December 2014. Celebitchy got a scan of the announcement:
— celebitchy (@celebitchy) June 18, 2016
God, it’s all so proper. A normal dating and engagement period, baby after a year and a half of marriage. Very polite. Very British. Don’t they know that nowadays to be a real Hollywood couple you’ve got to cross promote and synergise and have possible questionable work done? Like, Blake and Gwen! And to wait a little while to announce the birth? Come on! Where was the live stream?! Where was the part where you enter your card details?! These two clearly have a lot to learn… In the meantime, I’m sure they’ll be getting very close with a baby’s two best friends – shit and throw up. Congrats!
When I saw Alicia Vikander (now Academy Award Winner Alicia Vikander) stroll down the red carpet last night, it gave me a massive nostalgia high. A lot of people probably did, thanks to Alicia’s Beauty and the Beast realness. But gazing upon that pale yellow poofy Louis Vuitton dress instantly whooshed me back to memories of playing a game called Beautiful Lady in my childhood bedroom. The rules of Beautiful Lady were simple: look like a beautiful lady. Usually I would play it safe and throw on a Dress n’ Dazzle 3-in-1 Glamour Gown and my exquisite Burger King ThunderCats ring. But if I wanted to look extra beautiful, I’d pull the fitted sheet off my bed and make a stunning ballgown.
I liked to use the fitted sheet because it was far more glamorous and show-stopping than the flat sheet. It puffed out at the bottom, and as everyone knew in the 80s, puffy = instant sophistication. It was dead easy – I’d just wrap it around my waist and fasten it with a banana clip. Then I’d throw on my “wig” (a pair of black nylons) and wait for the flattery to roll in. Alicia clearly knows that Beautiful Lady is always the look, because she made sure to pair her bedsheet dress with flat-on-top/long-in-the-back hair too. Although I don’t think her jewelry came from Burger King. If I had to guess, it’s probably some cheap crap from Harry Winston or something.
Alicia wasn’t the only one who was giving me flashbacks to my homemade fashion years. Kate Winslet also took me for a walk down memory lane.