Madonna Kept Her Instagram Mess Train Rolling By First Going Topless And Then Posing As A Sexy Zombie
As we all know, Madonna is still horny as hell and recently asserted that over the past 30+ years, she’s paved the way for artists like Cardi B and others to be inspired by their own dewy nethers. Her preferred medium for expressing her insistence that she’s still got it is Instagram, and she made sure to keep her recent posts seasonally appropriate by giving us “boo!” spooks when she displayed her Madgebags with precariously placed emojis over her nips and then followed that up by posting an unsettling clip of her as a thirsty zombie.
Last month, “sources” (most likely named Fris Fenner) shared that Khloé Kardashian put her deflated humps back on the market and might be casually seeing a “private equity investor” that her sister, Kim Kardashian, set her up with. He’s so far remained mysterious, which in the Kardashianverse is odd, so until they give up the goods, I’m just going to assume that his name is “George Glass.” But apparently, Khloé has sunk her chicken-taloned claws into this new, mysterious inamorato (who will probably only be exclusive to The Kardashians on Hulu season 2), because sources say she’s happy in this new relationship, and–stop me if you’ve heard this before–she’s totally done with serial cheater and father of her child, Tristan Thompson for good.
Brad Pitt Wants California’s Supreme Court To Look At The Ruling That Disqualified The Judge From His Custody Fight With Angelina Jolie
Back in July, Angelina Jolie’s wish was granted when Judge John Ouderkirk, the judge in her custody fight against Brad Pitt, was disqualified from the case by an appellate court. Before that decision, Judge Ouderkirk gave temporary 50/50 custody of the child army to Brad Pitt, which is what Brad wanted. But when Judge Ouderkirk was Ourderkirk’d to the curb (just pretend that worked) by three appellate judges, the 50/50 custody decision was declared null and void. Brad is not going down like that, though, and filed a petition to ask California’s highest court to consider reversing that ruling so that Judge Ouderkirk can bust a “surprise, bitch, I bet you thought you saw the last of me” on Team St. Angie.
Yesterday, Jennifer Lopez turned 52, and was anyone really expecting it to just slip by unannounced and without drama-packed visual documentation for future generations? This isn’t our first rodeo. The weather outlets have their Stormwatch but here we’re all about Stuntwatch, and the usual suspects rarely disappoint. This past month, we rode out a sugar coma thanks to Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton getting all mushy and gross; tried to care about Irina Shayk insisting she and Kanye West are, like, really a thing; and then yelled at the screen in exasperation when it told us Angelina Jolie and The Weeknd had been seen eating dinner together.
No one actually buys into any of this stunt fluffage, but just nod along because today’s offering is propping up a candy-coated fantasy of “the love of their lives who got away, stayed away, married other people, had kids, got divorced, and then rediscovered each other just when their stunt-queen spot was getting itchy.” People reports that a quick minute after JLo and Ben Affleck made an appearance on Leah Remini’s Instagram page, they went Instagram Official on her page, in addition to being the bliss-oozing cover story of their August issue.
In May, Brad Pitt won temporary joint custody of all members of the Child Army, except for 19-year-old Maddox Jolie-Pitt who is no longer a minor. Angelina Jolie vowed to continue to fight Brad on that since she feels she was denied a fair trial and is pissed that her children were not allowed to testify about their father’s alleged abuse. Well, Angie has taken a little break from fighting him over custody and has filed papers regarding their French wine vineyard Chateau Miraval. When I first heard that Angelina brought Chateau Miraval into their legal fight again, I figured she wanted complete control of it and we’d soon hear that the place went up in flames from these two busting out a War of the Roses-style fight (War of the Rosé) inside of it. But Angelina actually wants the opposite of that. She wants to be rid of her ownership in that pank wine-making factory!
Quentin Tarantino Is Thinking About Ending His Movie Making Career With “Once Upon A Time…In Hollywood”
It feels like every few years, the headline “Quentin Tarantino Hints At Retiring” squirts up like jizz out of Quentin Tarantino’s tip whenever he gets an alert that there’s a new entry on wikiFeet. In 2016, QT declared that he’d take his final bow as a movie director after his tenth film was made. Then in 2019, while doing promo for his ninth movie, Once Upon A Time…In Hollywood, QT let everyone know that he may be done with directing movies. And just in case we didn’t get it the first five hundred times he said it, QT is back to say that OUATIH would be a good movie to call his last because so many directors end their careers with a pile of cinematic shit. Cut to has-beens everywhere grabbing at QT’s legs while begging him to not go before Travolting their careers back from the dead!