The Pimp. The Mama. The Kris. In 2007, these three facets of Kris Jenner’s personality converged into an Unholy Trinity, culminating in one of the most iconic momager moments of all time. While Kim Kardashian posed ass-out for a Playboy photoshoot, Kris, armed with her own camera (pink, digital), uttered the line, “Kim, you’re doing amazing, sweetie.”
Since then, the Internet has memed the crap outta that ridiculous scene. This is why I’m surprised it took Kris thirteen long Kardashian-Jenner-filled years to cash in on that shit! Last week she finally clued in and filed docs to trademark the catchphrase. According to TMZ, Kris intends to slap it on products like makeup, clothing, home goods, books, magazines, and baby products. Oh god, will an entire generation of children learn to toilet train using “You’re doing amazing, sweetie” potties?!
Kanye West Pretty Much Admits That His Presidential Campaign Is Designed To Hurt Joe Biden’s Chances
Kanye West is supposed to be focusing on Operation: Save His Shit Marriage in an “island fortress” somewhere in the Dominican Republican, but I guess Pimp Mama Kris’ Zoom call presentation, where she uses storyboards to show how they can stretch out the inevitable KimYe divorce for maximum attention and profits, doesn’t take all day. Because Kanye managed to pull himself away for a minute to talk to his good friends at Forbes about how the Donald Trump campaign is helping him get on the ballot in certain states. That move makes it look like Kanye2020 is a reboot of JillStein2016, and he didn’t deny that, but he later tweeted that his goal is to win it all. So basically he’s Amber Rose’s three fingers and the presidential race is his booty hole because he’s all the way in.
Just a minute after Kanye West got a visit from Justin Bieber of all people, it appears he has done an about-face on his earlier feelings about his wife, tweeting out an apology to Kim Kardashian and thanking her for her genuine love. And Kanye also reportedly went off to San Francisco, went to the ER in Wyoming, and later got checked out by paramedics at his ranch. Lately it seems like there’s A LOT going on in the life of Kanye, but the past 24 hours have really been A LOT.
After Kanye West’s breakdown at a presidential rally in South Carolina on Sunday night and his Monday night Twitter frenzy, where he spit at his own wife Kim Kardashian and the Grand Priestess of the Koven, Pimp Mama Kris, his friend Dave Chappelle went off to Wyoming to check on him. And Dave did it while dressed like he was starring in a goth remake of The Outsiders. While in Wyoming, Dave should’ve accidentally grabbed Kanye’s phone and accidentally threw it into the wild for a bison to trample on. But Dave missed that opportunity and so Kanye tweeted again last night. And in tweets that are now deleted, he said he’s been trying to divorce Kim ever since she met up with Meek Mill at the Waldorf, called Pimp Mama Kris “Kris Jong-un,” and asked if we still want him to run for president. And as even the crickets kept their mouths shut over the last question, Kim has piped up to defend Kanye and let us know that because he has bipolar disorder, sometimes the things he says aren’t what he means.
Because of the Black Lives Matter movement and coronavirus, we haven’t heard that much from that other virus KAVID-666 (Kardashian Virus Disease), but they’ve still been infecting the internet and helping to keep Instagram from ever getting a certified organic label by spreading their plastic-ness over there. And after Kim Kardashian posted yet another picture of her looking like a Bratz doll in a funhouse mirror, Jameela Jamil claims she got thousands of pleas asking her to talk about the pic, and so she’s stepped up to tell everyone to stop paying attention to Kim Kardashian and she did that while holding up a picture of Kim Kardashian, pretty much.
And now for a wholesome (“You spent famewhoresome wrong” – everyone) tale from an extremely functional family.
Seriously though, the hands-down messiest couple in recent memory is at it again, throwing around accusations in court while a child sits in the middle. Rob Kardashian, sock designer to the stars, is claiming in court papers that his ex-fiancée, Blac Chyna is a crazed abuser.