The year is 2019, and most of us can agree that there are some Halloween looks that should officially be retired to the Costume Graveyard. For example, if your costume is the kind of thing that will come back to haunt you during a nationwide re-election campaign, maybe throw on some cheap dollar store devil horns instead. Pamela Anderson has apparently received this memo, and yet she still decided to wear a Native American war bonnet.
The Kardashian-West family really showed what Halloween is all about: getting your kids dressed up in a million different cute costumes so you can take pictures of them and get publicity on Instagram. You thought they dressed up to walk around and ask for candy? Not in the Koven, bitch. But this year, one of the family costumes was too scary for baby Chicago to handle and she had to be photoshopped in–poorly at that–with the rest of the family. Ain’t nothing gonna get between Kim Kardashian and releasing a picture of her full family for attention! Not even a scared baby.
USA Today says that one 20-year-old Sidney Wolfe totaled her Toyota Corolla on an Ohio highway last weekend while dressed up as a blood-stained Carrie White from Carrie. But her terrible night turned into a viral hit. My Halloween hangover had no positive reverb effects so… Sidney actually wins this one.
Sarah Jessica Parker received more tricks than treats this Halloween when she revealed that someone had stolen her Halloween decorations. No, Sarah Jessica is not missing a cardboard cut-out of Kim Cattrall wearing a black pointy hat and riding a witch’s broom. Sarah had a bunch of pumpkins that were sitting on her stoop, and some pumpkin thief took all of them.
As CVS cedes its candy aisles to garland and glitter, the last vestiges of slut season draw to a close. Kylie Jenner already nailed her looks for the season by dressing up as a Playboy Bunny on Monday, and as Ariel: After Hours on Wednesday. Come Thursday there was nothing left for her to do other than the obvious: Desecrate the memory of Marilyn Monroe. Kylie’s final Halloween costume was a recreation of Marilyn’s Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend look from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Not to get too Chris Crocker on a Friday morning, but LEAVE NORMA JEAN ALONE!!!
There are some established, mandatory expectations when it comes to Halloween. Kids get candy. THOTs will turn anything into a slutty costume. And Heidi Klum will go so hard, you’ll forget she has any other job than Professional Halloween Person. This year, it took Heidi more than 10 hours to get ready, and she shared the whole process with a live audience in New York City.