Last night, Pimp Mama Kris finally saw her Khloé Kardashian/Tristan Thompson/Jordyn Woods narrative come to fruition. FINALLY she would be able to turn the tabloid scandal… which was totally not at all arranged or enflamed by her or her people into the ratings she loves, which helps Kylie Jenner sell makeup, which keeps Kris living flushed in Birkin bags. (“And you know they need the ratings,” said Blac Chyna.) It was just as dramatic, self-serving and Botox-ed as you would have thought. And in the episode, Khloé revealed that during the heated scandal, Tristan apparently mentioned committing suicide, which is always a good thing for someone else to admit on national television. Ratings: here we come!
E! put out a teaser trailer for the rest of the season of Keeping Up With The Korrosion Of God’s Light, and of course it’s all about the Khloé Kardashian/Tristan Thompson/Jordyn Woods drama. The trailer should be studied in science classes, because the Koven members somehow defy the laws of science by “crying” even though their tear ducts were filled with fillers years ago.
Jordyn Woods said recently that dealing with the whole Tristan Thompson/Khloé Kardashian disaster has really awakened her to the truth about the world. Namely, she–a black woman of 21 years of age with, I’m assuming, black friends and family–finally understands what it’s like being a black woman in today’s society… I mean… there were other times… you could have… probably learned that. But hey! Woke is woke, right?
RIP to true friendship. TMZ is reporting that we can all stop holding our breath: the verdict is in and it seems that former besties Jordyn Woods and Kylie Jenner just will not be able to make it work. Pour out a concealer which is way more tan than your actual shade in honor of Kylie’s loss.
Khloé Kardashian’s Latest Storyline Is Focusing On Tristan Thompson Not Spending Enough Time With Their Daughter
It’s been a little while since the Tristan Thompson/Khloé Kardashian/Jordyn Woods cheating scandal jumped off of the script pages into real life. What Khloé and her Koven thought would be an easy bout of free publicity destroying the reputation of Jordyn, turned out to be more than they bargained for when Khloe blamed her instead of Tristan. Kris Jenner went straight back to the bowl of ancient bat blood she uses to speak with her wicked gods, and they came up with a new solution: focus on Tristan. Well that narrative is shifting into Phase 2, as it’s being reported that Khloé is getting frustrated that Tristan never sees his daughter, True.
People reports that “self-made” (*loud guffaw*) billionaire Kylie Jenner and her ex-roommate, former best friend, and heavens-how-could-you-homewrecker Jordyn Woods are still in contact with each other and “working on rebuilding their friendship” after Jordyn admittedly kissed Khloe Kardashian’s boyfriend Tristan Thompson. This should only take but a moment seeing as the Kardashians rebuild stuff all the time (faces, asses, etc.). They’re used to renovations.