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Open Post: Hosted By Yvette Nicole Brown’s Discovery That Matthew McConaughey Smells Like Granola
Since we can’t seem to go very long without hearing about more of Hollywood’s derelict showering habits, today’s Open Post is a continuation of that theme, but also a bit of a pleasant surprise for a change, as long as you’re a fan of toasted oats, honey and maybe a few raisins here and there. What? Yvette Nicole Brown is here to share that when she and Matthew McConaughey worked on 2008’s Tropic Thunder together, she’d made the pleasant and unexpected discovery that his deodorant-free self was not at all at Brad Pitt levels of nose-assaulting roadkill decomposition, and he actually smelled more like granola, of all things. Finally, some good news on the hygiene front!
Matt Damon Really, Really Wants Bennifer To Make It This Time
Matt Damon, hot on the heels of his “The Other F-Word” debacle, faux-humbled by his daughter’s course correction and in need of some sympathetic press, put on his “I ship Bennifer 1.0 so much and just leave me the fuck alone about all this homophobic slur crap” cheerleading outfit (disarming expressions practiced in the bathroom mirror and a baseball hat to seem relatable). The hat came in handy when Matt joined Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez a little over a week ago to play the Frankie Grande in a stunting throuple no one asked for frolic on a private beach, feed everyone’s bizarre need for early-aughts nostalgia, and do their usual bro-dude shit in between Ben’s hand-holding sessions with JLo. According to People, no one else in this or any other universe could possibly be rooting more for Bennifer than Matt, which Matt recently barfed up in an episode of The Carlos Watson Show:
Open Post: Hosted By Taco Bell’s Snazzy New Touchless Drive-Thru
The bastion of innards-torching that is Taco Bell never stops innovating, whether they’re heartlessly dropping menu items, launching pop-up hotels, or cranking out highly lucrative hot-sauce packets minus the witty sayings we’ve all come to know and love. Their latest, nefarious plan to lure us all into mainlining even more Zantac is a new-and-improved design of the restaurant, which they’re calling the Taco Bell Defy. “Defy” quite aptly describes what all of our intestines do with the food once subjected to it, but according to Foodbeast, the marketing minds at Taco Bell HQ claim to be trying to make our fast-food lives easier, as well as more hygienic and streamlined with multiple lanes and a touchless drive-thru, among other forward-thinking touches. The prototype Defy will open in Minnesota in the summer of 2022.
Joe Keery Of “Stranger Things” And His Glorious Mane Of Hair Belong To The Great Unwashed
Joe Keery, the 29-year-old actor who is best known for playing Steve in Stranger Things, has joined the growing number of hygiene-challenged humans in Hollywood. Joe tells GQ that the secret to his “Ferris Bueller’s secret smashup with George Michael behind a Vidal Sassoon salon in 1986 after the ninth and final take for the ‘Danke Schön’ scene” hairstyle is that he never ever washes it and barely even touches it.
Open Post: Hosted By A “Mannequin Lamp” At Baggage Claim In London
Whenever I’m at baggage claim, the most interesting thing that happens is when some Type-A dude in a business suit screeches into his phone that all the black luggage looks exactly the same, and he can’t find his own bags in time to make his business meeting at the hotel. Boring! But according to ViralHog, whoever happened to be skulking around the airport in London (whether Heathrow or Gatwick isn’t stated) one fine day in November 2017, was treated to some boredom-busting carousel fuckery in the shape of a human body that the unnamed owner claims is a mannequin lamp. Uh HUH.
Kanye West’s “Donda” Will Totally Drop Next Week, Unless It Doesn’t
The post-apocalyptic little scene above is taken from Kanye West‘s second listening event for his tenth album, Donda, that took place on Thursday at his adopted new home, the Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta. To the untrained eye, it looks like the management there finally got tired of taking his alleged $1,000,000 a day in rent for the bleak little hostage hovel he calls a room and punted his sorry ass out into the middle of the stadium. But a trained eye knows that Kanye is just trolling us all with the overhyped and under-delivered release of the album and that this whole protracted episode is really a just preview of his Yeezy F/W collection. Prove me wrong! He’s gone from a burglar stocking and neon-red puffer jacket to a gimp suit and now a Walmart sleeping bag on markdown from the Camping aisle. But still, Kanye keeps claiming that Donda will finally be released after several delays and its new release date is August 15.