Candace Cameron Bure did a whoopsies and offended her target audience (Christian moms) with a photo of her husband, 46-year-old former hockey player Val Bure, squeezing her right titty. I know, it’s a shocking move on Val’s part, because the left boob is usually bigger, better, rounder, stronger. Cameron initially posted the pic to her Instagram Story with the caption “classic Val *He approved this post”, before deleting it due to the backlash.
According to 44-year-old Candace’s enraged fans, a conservative woman of Jesus/mom of three shouldn’t be posting such vile imagery. What’s next, a nude video of her doing the WAP dance?! Candace was close to issuing an apology, but she prayed on that shit and changed her mind.
Gwyneth Paltrow shared her at-home quarantine wellness routine on Goop’s website. In addition to posting some food that looks like a pile of stepped-in dog shit (“a perfect pot of lentils you can stick in the fridge and reach for when you need a quick, plant-based protein,” so she says), she also let us all know she bought her 14-year-old son Moses a 450-piece boob puzzle, as if adolescence isn’t mortifying enough as it is. Still, it’s not like she got him a hooker for his 14th birthday, it’s just boobs. That said, “at least she didn’t get him a hooker for his birthday” was the first thought I had so, Gywneth, you’re doing great sweetie.
Chrissy Teigen has built a career on being REAL with people and telling them more than they need to know on any given day. Which would explain why about ten seconds into a recent interview with Glamour UK, Chrissy both admitted that her tits are fake, and that she’s getting her implants removed.
Keira Knightley is an award-winning British thespian. In a rich and enviable filmography, she has played a duchess, a princess, and a number of haughty, upper-crust society ladies. She has ALSO played an assassin, a physician, a physicist and a swashbuckler. The girl’s got range. But apparently there is one thing Keira cannot do––or rather, can no longer do: nude scenes.
It’s not that Keira suddenly developed a case of shy boobs. It’s motherhood.
If a normal set of tits are a baby buffet for breastfeeding infants, then Coco’s coconuts are the thinly attended but ridiculously overstocked Thanksgiving buffet at the Bellagio in Las Vegas. And Coco and Ice-T’s baby Chanel has the place all to herself. Chanel, who turns 4 in November, is still breastfeeding, though mostly for comfort these days, according to a post Coco shared on Instagram. I don’t have kids, and I don’t presume to know if it’s normal for a 4-year-old to breastfeed, but if it’s weird, don’t blame Coco, blame Coco’s boobs. Those things have a mind of their own!
Bella Thorne’s not a complete monster. She never meant for anyone other than her special gentleman friend to see her filthy bathroom or greased-up barbell pierced nipples, yet here we are. According to Bella, her “shit” was hacked and the person responsible threatened to leak her nudes. So she beat them to the punch by publishing them herself. In a lucky turn of events, the hack just so happened to coincide with the release of her book of “poetry” called The Life of a Wannabe Mogul: Mental Disarray.