Last month, “sources” (most likely named Fris Fenner) shared that Khloé Kardashian put her deflated humps back on the market and might be casually seeing a “private equity investor” that her sister, Kim Kardashian, set her up with. He’s so far remained mysterious, which in the Kardashianverse is odd, so until they give up the goods, I’m just going to assume that his name is “George Glass.” But apparently, Khloé has sunk her chicken-taloned claws into this new, mysterious inamorato (who will probably only be exclusive to The Kardashians on Hulu season 2), because sources say she’s happy in this new relationship, and–stop me if you’ve heard this before–she’s totally done with serial cheater and father of her child, Tristan Thompson for good.
Sources tell Us Weekly that Khloé and her mystery man have been taking it slow, but Tristan is not handling her moving on very well and continues attempts to lure her back to his community dick.
“Khloé has moved on and is happy in her new relationship, which is still in its early stages,” the insider exclusively tells Us on Tuesday, July 5. “Tristan would want nothing more than to be back with Khloé, so of course, there’s jealousy there.”
The insider adds that while the NBA star, 31, has “tried countless times to win back” the Good American founder, 37, “she’s done with him for good romantically.” The exes are now “strictly coparenting,” with Khloé making it known there are clear boundaries. “They are amicable and spend time together when it comes to True,” the source explains.
But of course, Tristan continues to Tristan while also playing the “my meal-ticket baby mama left me again ‘cuz I chase anything with a hole and a heartbeat bluessss.”
Tristan, for his part, is “single and doing his thing” but “not dating anyone special,” the insider says, adding, “He just likes to party and flirt with girls, which is nothing new.”
Keep in mind that “his thing” consists of things like kissing the best friend of his girlfriend’s little sister and knocking up a personal trainer in another state (see: Jordyn Woods and Maralee Nichols, among MANY others, allegedly). Khloé has recently hopped on the #blessed train, presumably about this new relationship, so I’ll take a guess that when he’s revealed, he’ll make it to at least two episode promos.
“Sometimes you gotta sit and really think how blessed you are, seriously. Grateful every day,” the Strong Looks Better Naked author wrote via Instagram at the time, seemingly in regards to her new romance. The TV personality even crossed out the word “sometimes,” implying that she always reflects on how “blessed” she is.
With Khloé’s new look and her sisters’ new men, I would not be surprised if this “private equity investor” shows up looking pale, malnourished, scrawled with tattoos, and ripping cigs. Satanic demonager Kris Jenner will smile down upon him, for he has fulfilled the preferred current aesthetic that she’s envisioned for the TrifeKKKta, their public will inexplicably buy it, and abundance will continue to flow.