Category: Prince George

Prince Louis Stole The Show At THE QUEEN’s Jubilee Edition Of Trooping The Colour

June 2, 2022 / Posted by:

Since THE QUEEN decided that guests wishing to join her on the balcony for the Platinum Jubilee edition of Trooping the Colour needed to show two forms of ID and a pay-stub from The Firm, as expected, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were absent, and according to People, watched the festivities from The Major General’s Office where they “could be seen playfully entertaining various young royals” whose wrist muscles aren’t yet sufficiently developed to endure the rigors of sustained royal waving. However that was not a problem for the littlest royal Prince Louis whose enthusiastic wrist-flopping and face-pulling absolutely stole the show. The Royal Family hasn’t produced a ham this big since The Queen offered Peppa Pig a Damehood.

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THE QUEEN Is Reportedly NOT Dead And Kate Middleton Joked About Wanting Another Baby

February 23, 2022 / Posted by:

A Royal Mystery solved! Just as the gossip site Hollywood Unlocked got an EXCLUSIVE that THEE QUEEN had perished (she has not), Duchess Kate Middleton announced that she was feeling “very broody” and joked that whenever she meets a baby, she comes home to William and says “let’s have another one.” Now we know that Kate’s Royal Womb has already produced three possible successors to The Throne, Prince George, 8, Princess Charlotte, 6, and Prince Louis, 3. And given that their father Prince William still has to wait in line behind his pops for his shot, there’s an awful lot of spare heirs coming up behind him. And so I have a theory as to who tipped off the press with a false report that the line of succession is in motion.

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Prince William And Duchess Kate Have Been Accused Of Breaking COVID Rules At A Christmas Event

December 22, 2020 / Posted by:

Fresh off from getting shit for their taxpayer-funded train tour during a pandemic and for keeping their faces mask-free during a red carpet photo-op with their entire family, Prince William and Duchess Kate are now getting head shakes and tsk-tsks over breaking one of Britain’s COVID rules. Britain’s COVID rules state that different households can get together but the group can not be made up of more than six humans. And on Sunday night, William, Kate, and their three children (7-year-old Prince George, 5-year-old Prince Charlotte, and 2-year-old Prince Louis) met up with P. Willy’s uncle, Prince Edward, and his wife Sophie, Countess of Wessex and their two children (17-year-old Lady Louise and 13-year-old James, Viscount Severn). Since I have a Ph.D. in math (read: I used a Little Professor once), I know that five plus four equals…. *counts on fingers* NINE, which is more than six, which means that they all broke the rules, which means the dungeon for them all!

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Prince Philip And The Queen Celebrate 73 Years Of Wedded Bliss

November 20, 2020 / Posted by:

According to People, Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip celebrated their 73rd wedding anniversary “with a very special gift — a homemade card” from their great-grandchildren Prince George, Princess Charlotte, and Prince Louis. Not gonna lie, old Lizzy of London over there has had a rough year. So I’m not going to begrudge her a small celebration. Her Majesty THE QUEEN has had to stand by watching as her grandson defected from The Firm, her son was accused of appalling behavior, her family was portrayed as monsters (albeit kind of hot ones) on The Crown, and she was banished into quarantine with a skeleton crew of servants to service her skeleton of 73 years, Prince Philip. So lord knows she’s earned it. Well, maybe earned isn’t the right word here. She’s been sovereignly ordained it at any rate.

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Prince George Will Be Allowed To Keep His Plundered Shark Tooth

September 29, 2020 / Posted by:

Even though he already has an entire dinosaur skeleton to call his own (well, more precisely he calls it great-grandpa Philip), the country of Malta has decided that Prince George can keep his little shark tooth, they’ve got bigger fish to fry. Yesterday we learned that George was gifted the 23 million-year-old tooth by Sir David Attenborough who found it back in the 1960s while on vacation. You would think a renowned naturalist like Sir David would know better than most that you’re not allowed to just snatch up any old shit you find on vacation. Do they not show reruns of The Brady Bunch in Jolly Old England? Now because of his hubris, The Royal Family is probably cursed for all eternity. Which is redundant actually, considering the vast array of plundered goods already on display in The British Museum.

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Sir David Attenborough Gave Prince George A Fossilized Shark Tooth From Malta, And Malta Wants It Back

September 28, 2020 / Posted by:

Ah, the tragedy of being a rich little royal prince. You hold out your hand to accept a 23 million-year-old shark tooth from an elderly natural historian that your great-granny decorated with a knighthood back in ’85, only to discover that its country of origin demands the artifact be returned immediately. Prince George barely wrapped his fingers around that dinosaur dental bone, and now he’s expected to give it up? According to the country of Malta, yes – that’s exactly what they want.

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