Basically, this year has been an exercise in just keeping it together. Most of us have spent the last six months lying on the couch, pants-less, with Cheetos in our hair. So, for anybody hoping to catch a glimpse of some much-needed GLAMOUR from our biggest TV stars, you are probably out of luck because this year’s all-virtual Emmy Awards––slated to be, as host Jimmy Kimmel describes, like no other––is going to feature presenters in full-blown hazmat suits. Naomi Campbell’s influence continues!
The “Fast Times At Ridgemont High” Reading Gave Us A Jerk-Off Scene Featuring Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston
The dreams of any remaining TEAM ANISTON t-shirt owners had already come true last month when it was reported that Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt would reunite for a live at-home reading of Fast Times at Ridgemont High. As promised, Jen and Brad reunited last night on Zoom for the Fast Times reading, to benefit Sean Penn’s CORE charity. And Brad and Jen must have been feeling extra charitable because they gave everyone at home an image for the ages by recreating the Phoebe Cates/Judge Reinhold jerk-off scene.
If there has ever been a use for the tag “Love In The Time Of Corona,” this is it. Because the clock has barely done any ticking since we learned that Robert Pattinson reportedly tested positive for COVID-19. And now we’re seeing plenty of pictures of Robert and his girlfriend Suki Waterhouse engaging in a mask-wearing make-out session in a London park.
Paul Rudd is one of those people who’s looked young since the 90s. Thirty years after he stole young gay hearts as Cher’s step-brother/love-interest (it was weird) in Clueless, 51-year-old Paul’s skin is still producing collagen like a teen’s! And he’s using his youthfulness for a good cause by suggesting to his fellow young people to mask up to stop the spread of coronavirus. Personally I think if Paul offered up his underwear to turn into masks that would incentivize more people wear them but hey, this works too!
Anyone who was really looking forward to seeing Kristen Wiig hit the big screen looking like a Petster toy cat that was thrown in the washing machine on a heavy scrub cycle (even though the tag specifically says spot clean ONLY), are going to have to wait just a bit longer. Wonder Woman 1984 feels like it’s going to take 84 years to finally make it to the theaters, because Variety is reporting that the release date has been pushed to Christmas.
You’ve heard of “No Glove, No Love”–well here’s “No Mask, No Ass!” Fresh off from telling the people of Canada that glory holes are where it’s at during the pandemic, Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s Chief Public Health Officer, gave a statement which suggests that a good way to stay safe during COVID-19 is to keep the mask on during fuck times and not kiss any new people. Mask on and no kissing? DL tops, your time is now!