More Spiced Gin Punch For THE QUEEN: Prince Hot Ginge And Duchess Meghan Will Not Spend Christmas With Her
If you ask me, a funky good holiday time IS getting drunk on gin with THE QUEEN while cackling after Duchess Camilla opens up her gift from her “Secret Santa” and for the 14th year in a row finds a tampon with a picture of Prince Charles’ face glued onto the tip. But I guess Duchess Meghan can only take so much of Princess Michael of Kunt handing her an empty glass before saying, “Sorry, dear, I mistook you for the help again.” Because the Palace says that Duchess Meghan and Prince Hot Ginge have decided to spend Baby Master Archie’s first Christmas away from THE QUEEN’s annual holiday celebrations at Sandringham. Congratulations to them both for not having to look at Prince Andrew’s face during the holidays.
I’d like to believe that the royal family has a bet going on how many BREAKING TRADITION headlines that Meghan and PHG can conjure up in the span of one year. Well, congratulations to the member of the royal family who went with 3,498, because I believe that’s the number we’re almost at.
There’s A Drama-Free Reason For Why Duchess Meghan Didn’t Stand With Duchess Kate And The Queen At Sunday’s Remembrance Ceremony
Yesterday was Remembrance Sunday, or Armistice Day, in the UK. And on that day, the Royal Family participates in a solemn moment with everyone else at 11am. The picture you’re looking at above is from the Trooping the Color ceremony in June, when Duchess Meghan returned from maternity leave and stood with Duchess Kate, Duchess Camilla, The Queen, and everyone else of relative royal importance. Duchess Kate and Duchess Camilla got to stand with The Queen at the Remembrance Sunday ceremony, but Duchess Meghan was relegated to a lesser balcony. But! It’s not what you think. People magazine says this isn’t the real-life version of Picturegate.
If Anna Wintour so much as looks at a wild fox in Central Park, PETA drags her ass and chucks fake blood at innocent Vogue staffers running out to get her mid-morning latte. The only animal PETA will allow Anna to torture is, well, innocent Vogue staffers. Little did I know, THE QUEEN has also been in their crosshairs.
PETA U.K. has passed out “Bear Hugs, Not Bear Hats” balloons at her 2010 birthday to get QE2 to use synthetic fur in her notoriously stone-faced troops famous black hats. Seven years later, they had a Russian company send prototypes of the hats to the queen to show there was a synthetic version of her Guard’s hats (“Did my time as an engineer in the War and having to sleep next to Philip every night not grant me a hall pass?” –THE QUEEN to her staffers). Alas, good news! British bears can sleep easy tonight – kinda. QE2’s royal dresser says she’s going fur-free.
Tom Bradby, the journalist who interviewed Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry for the ITV documentary Meghan & Harry: An African Journey chronicling their recent tour of Africa, says the couple seemed “bruised and vulnerable,” according to People. Tom said that Meghan and Harry’s unease with constantly being under scrutiny “built as the tour went on,” and that the couple were having a hard time keeping their emotions in check. Of course, one might argue that making a documentary about yourself is tantamount to sending scrutiny an open invitation to visit with a house key taped inside. Nevertheless, Meghan and Harry are using the doc to tell their side of the story, and according to Us Weekly, part of that story is they want to build a house in Africa to get away from it all.
Elton John has a new memoir called Me coming out next week, and so excerpts from it are trickling out to get you to buy that book, and one of them is about the time that he witnessed Queen Elizabeth showing us all how to get kids to listen: slap them in the face while yelling at them that “YOU. ARE. THE. QUEEN.” If this isn’t in every parenting book, all of them need to be revised. Immediately.
Things are looking grim for Prince Andrew. This whole Jeffrey Epstein scandal refuses to blow over, no matter how many times he begs mummy to evoke her monarchical powers to have every last journalist and blogger who dare utters his name thrown into the Tower of London. But Andrew isn’t a complete pariah just yet. Even though he was uninvited from the opening of a new train station in Northern Ireland last week, he was allowed to get his balls close to a hole at Royal Portrush Golf Club during his state visit. And in even better news for Andrew, according to The Sun, he narrowly escaped an excruciatingly painful and embarrassing end when, by the grace of God, Courtney Love refused him access to her hole.