Category: THE QUEEN
Prince Andrew Is Reportedly “IN DESPAIR” Over Not Inheriting Any Of His Mummy THE QUEEN’s Estate
Since he’s absolutely done nothing wrong, I can understand why Prince Andrew, one of THE QUEEN’s only sons, is reportedly “in despair” that his rather homely older brother, King Charles III was the sole benefactor of their late mother THE QUEEN’s nearly $800M tax-free estate. Having myself been an only child, I can only imagine the humiliation and sadness he must feel. At least I got a 1999 Nissan Sentra when my mom kicked the bucket, but according to The Independent, Andrew has been left not only penniless but might be left with only his deceased father Prince Phillip’s Land Rover to drive. Which is indubitably haunted!
Sarah Ferguson Thinks THE QUEEN’S GHOST Is Haunting Her Corgis
Original Fergie, aka Sarah Ferguson, aka Prince Andrew’s live-in ex-wife, has a historical fiction book to sell. So she’s “opening up about her beloved former mother-in-law”, THE QUEEN, and the two royal corgis, Sandy and Muick, in an interview with People. When THE QUEEN died back in September, the dogs were put in the care of Andrew and Fergz. After they said their official goodbyes at their dearly departed mum’s funeral procession, their furry little tushies were scooped up and taken to live at the Royal Lodge in Windsor. There they shall remain until they join THE QUEEN in the afterlife or until Andrew has to give up the house cuz he can’t afford it. My money’s on the second one. But don’t worry about the little poochies. Where corgis go, so goes their guardian angel: THE QUEEN’S ghost!
Prince William Screamed At Prince Harry In Front Of THE QUEEN, And Other “Revelations” From The Final Episodes Of “Harry & Meghan”
Do you feel that? It’s the earth finally settling after it was rocked by all the bombshells (not really) dropped during the final three episodes of Netflix’s Harry & Meghan, which came out today. The first three episodes were covered by Mieka last week, and those episodes were very “when the book report assignment calls for a 1,200-word count, but you’ve only got 400 words in you, so you’ve got to stretch that shit out.” The last three episodes were kind of the same. They cover the royal family drama over Prince Harry and Meghan Markle quitting that bitch, Tyler Perry becoming their Captain Save-A-Ho, and a text from BEYONCE! I know, Harry and Meghan buried the lede. Netflix says that Harry & Meghan is its biggest documentary debut ever, but its debut would’ve been a zillion times bigger if the show was only titled: A Text From Beyonce (featuring Harry and Meghan).
Nazis Uniforms And Racists And Puppy Filters, Oh My. Here’s What You Missed If You Missed “Volume I” Of “Harry & Meghan”
What? You didn’t have your alarm clock set for H8:AM GMT so you could live-tweet the Netflix debut of Volume I (the first three episodes) of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle‘s much-discussed six-part docuseries, Harry & Meghan, alongside Piers Fucking Morgan? No? Did you have something better to do? Well I did. Had something better to do, that is. But right after the elective, “all-natural” root canal appointment I booked with a “primitive dentist” I found on Craigslist, I fell/purposely walked into an open sewer and was, most, unfortunately, unable to participate. But I couldn’t miss out on hearing all the juicy details contained within Meghan and Harry’s “first-hand account” of “their story,” even if I wanted to. And I did. Want to miss out, that is. Alas, knowing more about the lady from Suits and that prince she married than I do about my own family is now “my story” to tell. And rest assured, it will be, to borrow a critique from Piers, a “nauseatingly self-serving narcissistic rehashed whine-a-thon.” I guarantee it.
Lady Susan Hussey, One Of THE QUEEN’S Ladies In Waiting, Resigned After Repeatedly Asking Black Charity CEO Ngozi Fulani Where She Was “Really” From
In a totally shocking turn of events, one of the Royals did something racist. Introducing Lady Susan Hussey, THE QUEEN’S former Woman of the Bedchamber (a top lady-in-waiting), Lady of the Household (that’s the title King Charles gave her after THE QUEEN’S death), and Prince William’s godmother. Last night, 83-year-old Lady Hussey attended a charity event at Buckingham Palace, also attended by Ngozi Fulani. Ngozi runs Sistah Space, an East London non-profit that supports Black women affected by abuse. Ngozi says Lady Hussey approached her ten minutes into the event. She moved Ngozi’s hair (!!!) to look at her name badge and asked, “Where are you from?” Oh no. Ngozi answered, “Sistah Space.” Lady Hussey asked again. Ngozi answered that her charity was based in Hackney. But we all know that’s not what Lady Hussey meant. She wanted to know where Ngozi’s “people” “really” came from. “What part of Africa are you from?” Ngozi transcribed Lady Hussey’s horrifyingly racist line of questioning on Twitter. After the post went viral, the BBC reported that Buckingham Palace had released a statement saying that “the individual concerned” was sorry and had immediately resigned from her position. Prince William also made his own statement. He said, via a spokesperson, that “racism has no place in our society.” Racism? Bad? Groundbreaking.
King Charles Hosted His First State Banquet As King
Last night was King Charles’ very first state banquet as monarch. The dinner was held for South Africa’s visiting president, Cyril Ramaphosa, who was originally scheduled to make the trip in September. THE QUEEN’S death forced him to reschedule. This banquet was a very big deal (for people who actually give a rat’s ass about the monarchy), so the Royals decided to to bust out the big guns. Their version of “the big guns” is, of course, sparkly tiaras. Queen Consort Camilla wore THE QUEEN’S Belgian Sapphire Tiara and Kate Middleton wore Queen Mary’s Lover’s Knot tiara. The King didn’t get to wear shit. He kept his dome diamond, sapphire, and hair-free. Continue reading