We can add Vogue Magazine to the list of things Duchess Meghan has ruined for good (previous entries include but are not limited to: The Monarchy, common decency, Suits seasons 1-7, Wimbledon, Princess Diana’s legacy, baby showers, and Michael K’s rich fantasy life). As previously reported, Meghan guest edited the September issue of British Vogue featuring 15 “changemakers” but not the kind that walk around ballparks and arcades with those belts filled with nickels and dimes. Instead of using her unprecedented opportunity to highlight the glory of pretty clothes on pretty ladies, she used her platform to shove her COMMUNIST AGENDA down everybody’s throat in a move Piers Morgan called a “shamelessly hypocritical super-woke Vogue stunt“, which just so happens to be the name of my band!
According to a “royal commentator” named Phil Dampier who recently spoke to The Sun, Duchess Kate doesn’t really even like her job as a Duchess, and wants to avoid it all by getting pregnant again.
Kate and Prince William live with their three children – Prince George, Princess Charlotte, and Prince Louis – in Kensington Palace, which is located right in the middle on London. But they also have a fancy country house in Norfolk called Anmer Hall, which totally sounds like John Travolta butchering Armie Hammer’s name. Phil claims Kate really loves being in the county with the kids doing…I don’t know what, picking apples? Commanding their servants to pick apples? Sadly, Kate can’t live that Anmer Hall life full-time because she’s got a job back in London at Kensington Palace, where she’s expected to uphold her royal engagements.
Archie is almost three months old, and you might assume that he’s already grown tired of his big cousin Prince George calling him “NAPA” (Not-A-Prince Archie) or watching Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis steal all his expensive baby blankets to build a fort. He could be, but it might have taken less time to get there than we all knew. Because according to a royal expert, Archie only met his cousins two weeks ago.
If today’s news is any indication, it seems like no one can win at Frogmore Cottage at the moment. There are reports that Duchess Meghan has pissed off more people at Wimebledon. We’ve also got some sources saying that Prince Harry’s quest for baby privacy is pissing off Prince William. The only one who hasn’t made anyone mad is Archie. But even he might have pissed on his newest nanny during a diaper change (he is just a regular ol’ baby, after all).
Yes, that is the look of a baby who is thinking, “So, I’m sitting here in this heavy ass Victorian ass lace ass reproduction gown while my grandaunt has beat me in the glamour department by looking stunning in some Truman Capote gone to Panama cosplay? Fuck this shit, get this itchy doll dress off of me!”
As Britain experiences gale-force winds from all of its citizens vigorously shaking their heads over Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan having the disgusting AUDACITY to make their child’s christening private, even though royal christenings are traditionally private, two-month-old Master Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor was christened today at St George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle. That’s the same place where PHG and Meghan were married, and where PHG was christened in 1984. The royals released two pictures including the Awkward Family Photo above. While everybody worked the same tired stuffy royal drag, Princess Diana’s sister Lady Jane Fellowes changed the entire game by looking like she’s about to solve the shit out of a crime on an island.
It’s Pride Month, and the Royal Family typically stays away from anything political. Which might explain why the official Royal Family Twitter account never tweeted a gallery of Elizabeth II wearing a rainbow of skirt suits with the caption, “The original Yass Queen.” But Prince William made a visit to the LGBTQ youth charity AKT in London today, and he broke with the royal tradition of not saying much by talking about how he’d feel if one of his children came out. William would be totally cool with it.