A Royal Mystery solved! Just as the gossip site Hollywood Unlocked got an EXCLUSIVE that THEE QUEEN had perished (she has not), Duchess Kate Middleton announced that she was feeling “very broody” and joked that whenever she meets a baby, she comes home to William and says “let’s have another one.” Now we know that Kate’s Royal Womb has already produced three possible successors to The Throne, Prince George, 8, Princess Charlotte, 6, and Prince Louis, 3. And given that their father Prince William still has to wait in line behind his pops for his shot, there’s an awful lot of spare heirs coming up behind him. And so I have a theory as to who tipped off the press with a false report that the line of succession is in motion.
The Firm is reportedly “NONE TOO PLEASED” about their portrayal in the current fourth season of The Crown which covers events from 1979 through 1990, a period that includes Prince Charles’ marriage to Lady Diana and his affair with Camila Parker Bowles. And according to The Daily Mail, friends of the family say that Prince Charles feels exploited, Prince William is irritated, and as for Prince Andrew, well nobody wanted to say his name but we can presume he’s appalled anew at The Royal Family being depicted as “grotesque caricatures” by Netflix with little thought given to their feelings. Especially when we know who the REAL villain is and for once I’m not talking about Margaret Thatcher. No, it’s Prince Harry and Meghan Markle of course, for cashing in on his family’s pain by sleeping with the enemy.
You know that fairy tale about The Princess and The Troll? No? That’s because I made it up. The real story is The Princess Is A Troll and it stars Princess Michael of Kent. Well before Meghan Markle put her filthy, common, colony hands all over Kensington Palace, Aatish Taseer, who is of Indian and Pakistani heritage, used to have the pleasure of pissing in the royal loos of KP. He’s just written a piece for Vanity Fair and says that when he was dating Princess Michael’s daughter, he saw and heard some shit. Namely, that PM tried to get cute by naming her pet sheep Venus and Serena. Can you guess the color of the sheep? I bet you can.