King Charles III’s Big Day Featured Crowns, Joanna Lumley, And A Yawning Prince Louis

May 6, 2023 / Posted by:

If you’re a Brit, then I’m sure your vocal cords are sore (and not in a sexy way) from loudly chanting that oath of allegiance to King Charles III on his Coronation Day. Or your vocal cords are sore from loudly snoring while sleeping through King Chuck’s Corny because you don’t give one shit about it. Whatever the case, King Charles and Queen Camilla’s bloomers filled with panty pudding royale today as they were crowned during the scaled-back three-day Coronation event that is costing British taxpayers ONLY $125 million. King Charles and Queen Camilla’s crowning ceremony happened at Westminster Abbey today and featured a spotlight-stealing cameo from little Prince Louis and a quick appearance by Prince Harry, whose ass is already on a plane back to California for his son Prince Archie’s fourth birthday.

NBC News says that King Charles’ dome was topped with the St. Edward’s Crown during today’s two-hour Coronation ceremony. The 5-pound crown was last worn by THE QUEEN during her Coronation ceremony in 1953. Charles wore a different crown, the Imperial State Crown (above), as he left Westminster Abbey. Queen Camilla was crowned with the Crown of Queen Mary, which used to feature the Koh-i-Noor diamond. The Koh-i-Noor diamond has been called the original blood diamond, and India has claimed ownership of the jewel, and they want it back. At various points throughout history, the governments of Iran, Pakistan, and Afghanistan claimed ownership as well.

As for what was on Kate Middleton’s head, it was reported earlier this week that she was going to ditch a tiara and wear a flower crown instead. But I guess she didn’t want to hear Prince George say to her, “Coachella is over, mom,” because she wore a Jess Collet x Alexander McQueen headpiece instead. And Princess Charlotte wore a mini-me version:

While some eyes were focused on jewels, others were watching to see if Prince William would go for round two with Prince Harry during the ceremony by tackling his brother. But Harry and P. Willy steered clear of each other during the ceremony. Harry sat with Princess Eugenie and her husband, Jack Brooksbank, while P. Willy and his family sat in the front row. I know, I’m shocked that Harry and William didn’t put their differences aside to join brotherly forces and perform an acoustic version of Reba McEntire’s The Greatest Man I Ever Knew for their dad during the ceremony.

Right after the ceremony, Harry got in a car and headed to the airport to catch a flight out of that bitch. While some thought that Harry’s presence might steal the spotlight away from King Charles, little Prince Louis was the spotlight stealer of the day. Louis went viral for his review of the ceremony:

And for his windshield wipers wave on the Buckingham Palace balcony:

Beyond the royals, other guests included Coronation concert performer Katy Perry, Joanna Lumley in memaw Madeline drag, and Nick Cave, who said he was there to take in the “weirdness” of the event. Emma Thompson, First Lady Jill Bilden, and Katy’s fellow Coronation concert performer, Lionel Richie, were also guests.

But easily, the best part of the entire Coronation was the March of the Cavalier King Charles Spaniels!

God save the King Charles Spaniels!

Here are more pictures from King Charles’ big day. Sure, these pictures are dripping with royal opulence, but I’m not impressed. I mean, I’ve been to Medieval Times. Now that is TRUE royal opulence. And did King Charles serve a giant turkey leg during his Coronation ceremony? I think not!

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