Katy Perry did geisha cosplay once. She posed next to a boy in a Katy’s Fries costume for a Vogue India spread. And her soon-to-be-second husband is British (AND voices Prince Hot Ginge in Gary Janetti’s Prince George cartoon for HBO Max). So that makes her a bona fide Brit and a person of several Asian descents. Whether or not you TRUST her, I’ll leave that up to you. But besides the trust part, Katy is the perfect ambassador for the British Asian Trust since she’s British and Asian. Insert obligatory “ScarJo is livid” joke here.
Prince Andrew farted up a real black cloud over the royal family thanks to the disgusting “friends with a convicted pedophile who allegedly forced an underage girl to have sex with him“ situation. It’s made Andy have to step down from working royal life. It’s thrown a wrench in his daughter’s wedding (THE HORROR!). And it’s caused him to get into a he said/they said mess with the FBI. Because of all of this, Prince Charles and The Queen herself have met at Sandringham to discuss his fate. Guillotine! Just kidding. Unless Guillotine is the name of a fancy bistro that Andy and mum can have a laugh in while sipping on gin after church.
Yesterday, Prince Charles made headlines for flying private to the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, to lecture people on climate change. And Charles is in the news again today for appearing to snub Mike Pence, Vice President of The Keebler Commission on Whoopsy Fudge Stripes, and in his spare time, The United States of America. Maybe Prince Harry called in a favor with pops to take some of the heat off of him and Meghan Markle, because we haven’t seen Prince Charles in the news this much since Tampongate.
It’s no secret that the British press loved to pick apart every single thing Meghan Markle does. So it was really easy for the British press to drag Meghan and Prince Harry when they took back-to-back private jets for a couple family vacations. Especially since Harry and Meghan say they care about the planet. Prince Charles is no doubt wishing Harry and Meghan were back in the royal family circle. Because Prince Charles is now the one getting dragged for flying private to a climate change event. Gosh, it’s so much easier to get away with private jet travel when you’re not usually the one the press is holding a hypocritical magnifying glass over.
THE QUEEN hosted the SUSSEXODUS summit at Sandringham Estate today to figure out what in the shit the royal family is going to do about Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan quitting as full-time royals to be bi-continent (I know that doesn’t totally work, but just give it to me, because I wanted to write that PHG is bi-something) and make their own money. I was hoping that THE QUEEN’s emergency meeting would be live-streamed and made up of her telling PHG that they’re going to settle everything with a dance-off, and yes, she’d win as soon as she dropped it low and twerked it on the throne. It wasn’t live-streamed, but THE QUEEN did put out a statement letting us know that she wishes “Harry and Meghan” would stay on as full-time royals, but she understands (uh huh) and already triple-slapped PHG down with her glove for making her do actual fucking work! No, she didn’t say that last line, but that probably happened.
Prince Hot Ginge Is Going To Get It From THE QUEEN For Announcing That He’s Quitting His Job As A Full-Time Royal!
In that picture from 2018, we all thought that Duchess Meghan was smiling at whatever was happening in front of her, but now we know she was smiling while thinking, “These royal hos have no idea that I’m going to pull a Yoko Ono on their asses!”
British tabloids editors who were still hungover and worn out from the holiday break got an electric jolt to the ass yesterday when Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan brought on SUSSEXODUS (copyright: Twitter), or Megxit, depending on what nickname you’re into (I prefer SUSSEXODUS since it sounds like the clothing-optional Caribbean resort that PHG will open now that he’s a part-time peasant). PHG and Meghan announced out of nowhere that they’re going to be part-time royals, and while their allegiance is to THE QUEEN, they want to do their own thing. Prince Hot Ginge (or should I just call him Hot Ginge now?) and Duchess Meghan’s announcement apparently made THE QUEEN spit out her gin, and anyone who causes her to waste gin is fucked! Well, anyone except for Prince Andrew. She’d just delicately pat Andy Boo Boo on the bald spot while telling him it’s all okay.