Things are a huge mess on the set of Bond 25, what with the explosions, toilet cams, and multiple walk outs. The Sun says that Prince Charles was recently offered a cameo role in the latest Bond film. And you might think that Prince Charles would decline their generous offer, explaining thanks but no thanks – he’s got enough public relations messes to deal with at his job already. But The Sun says Prince Charles is considering it.
Yes, that is the look of a baby who is thinking, “So, I’m sitting here in this heavy ass Victorian ass lace ass reproduction gown while my grandaunt has beat me in the glamour department by looking stunning in some Truman Capote gone to Panama cosplay? Fuck this shit, get this itchy doll dress off of me!”
As Britain experiences gale-force winds from all of its citizens vigorously shaking their heads over Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan having the disgusting AUDACITY to make their child’s christening private, even though royal christenings are traditionally private, two-month-old Master Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor was christened today at St George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle. That’s the same place where PHG and Meghan were married, and where PHG was christened in 1984. The royals released two pictures including the Awkward Family Photo above. While everybody worked the same tired stuffy royal drag, Princess Diana’s sister Lady Jane Fellowes changed the entire game by looking like she’s about to solve the shit out of a crime on an island.
Even though Duchess Meghan wasn’t there to scream “move your bloomin’ ass” from the stands or make some other gauche faux pas like she did at Trooping The Colour, there was still plenty of excitement to be had at the opening day of the Royal Ascot horse race. The annual event which, according to People began in 1711, was attended by Her Royal Highness THE QUEEN, Duchess Kate, Prince William, Prince Charles, Duchess Camilla, Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice as well as those clog shuffling, french fry dipping, dyke plugging royals King Willem-Alexander and Queen Maxima of the Netherlands. In other words, every duke and earl and peer was there, everyone who should be there was there. And that folks, is your My Fair Lady deep cut for the day.
“A Winking Camilla” sounds like something that Prince Charles would ask for on his anniversary. But I mean it literally. Donald Trump is currently in the UK for an official state visit, and even though he lives his life like he’s the most interesting, charismatic person in the room, yesterday that honor went to Duchess Camilla.
For his first official state visit to the UK, Trump has flown across the Atlantic ocean and went to London to visit The Queen. Poor Queen Elizabeth – she puts on a lovely mint green suit and statement hat for the occasion, and Trump can barely be bothered to wrangle the back of his hair.
If you’re a middle schooler looking for a book report topic, snooty British society rag Tatler has something for you! Great Britain needs a reason to feel good about itself since it is royally screwing up its own Brexit, so it’s going for a tried-and-true pick-me-up: slamming Duchess Meghan in a thoughtful way! The magazine spent a long-ass time describing the first year of life with Meghan, even though it’s still about two months from her one-year anniversary with Prince Harry. The glossy magazine shades everything from Meghan choosing NOT to fire a gun with Harry in the countryside (EGAD!) and speculates she’ll divorce his ass after they have a couple of kids. Don’t get too excited, Thomas and Samantha Markle. Tatler shat on y’all, too.