Prince Hot Ginge And Meghan Markle Are No Longer Getting Money From Prince Charles And Have Paid Back The Taxpayer Money Spent On Frogmore Renovations
Congratulations to Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle! Because they have now creamed out the words that many of us say when we pay $5 more than the minimum payment due on a bill: “Fuck me happy, I’m nearly debt-free!”
PHG no longer has to nudge his daddy, Prince Charles, with an “Err, did you forget today is the first?” text when his allowance doesn’t hit his Venmo and he and Meghan don’t have to worry about British taxpayers calling a collection agency on their asses. They are now financially independent from the Royal Family. And just a quick second after moving to America! These two underdogs truly pulled themselves up from the bootstraps and defied all odds! The epitome of a rags to riches story! But seriously, while PHG and Meghan are reportedly not getting money from The Crown anymore, I’m sure The Daily Mail will find out that they used an Outback gift card that THE QUEEN gave them as a housewarming gift and will scream: Harry And Meghan, Still Leeching Off The Royal Family!
Not long after it was revealed that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle high-tailed it out of Los Angeles and moved to Montecito, CA, people started getting suspicious about who paid for their new mansion, considering they’re still making payments on their last home. The Daily Mail claimed that Prince Harry’s dad Prince Charles covered a portion of the $14.6 million price tag. But a source who recently spoke to Us Weekly says Harry and Meghan paid for it entirely on their own with no help from Papa Chuck.
Last Sunday was both Father’s Day and Prince William’s 38th birthday, and in honor of such Kensington Palace released several pictures of Will with his kids. But they also provided a picture from December 2019 of William and his own father, Prince Charles, both laughing enthusiastically. That laughing may not have been only for the camera. Because according to a royal expert who recently spoke to The Telegraph (via The Daily Mail), any lingering awkwardness between William and Charles is probably over ad William appears to have forgiven his dad. Not for cheating on his mom specifically, just in general.
I don’t know why, but when I think of Father’s Day, Prince William is usually the last person who comes to mind. But I get it, he’s a father. And a royal. And it’s his birthday. So, I guess it makes sense that new photos of him frolicking with his three kids, looking totally natural––as though they do stuff like that every day––would be released today, of all days.
Prince Charles Has Reportedly Opened His Wallet To Help Prince Hot Ginge And Meghan Markle With Their Security Costs
Today is April Fools’ Day, which means it’s the day that Prince Hot Ginge and a pantyhose-covered Duchess Meghan skipped into THE QUEEN’S throne room and declared, “April Fools’, bitch!”, before clocking back into their job as senior royals since it was all just an extra long joke. And then THE QUEEN woke up and realized that PHG and Meghan leaving wasn’t a nightmare and her biggest crowd-getters are really gone. And then she slapped Prince Philip with her pocketbook for poking at her with his rusty crotch scepter. Yes, THE QUEEN sleeps with her pocketbook.
But seriously, today is PHG and Meghan’s Independence From The Royals Day, and they’re celebrating while self-isolating in a Los Angeles compound, as security watches for a crazed skinny fat blogger trying to get onto the property by wearing a shrub disguise (I’ll show them because I’ll sneak in by hiding in a Lululemon box since you know Meghan gets that shit delivered every other day). And that security isn’t being provided by the U.S. government. Their security is privately funded and that reportedly includes money from Prince Daddy Charles.
With Meghan Markle and Prince Harry out of the line of fire and lying dormant somewhere in L.A., I guess it’s Duchess Kate and Prince William’s turn to play human shield and protect The Firm from Prince Andrew’s insatiable appetite for pizza. Page Six reports that Kate was photographed without her engagement ring! Is Kate and William’s marriage in trouble, or is there something even more sinister afoot? I mean, yes, obviously the latter is true (see Prince Andrew above), but with a good percentage of the world on lockdown, this is what it’s come to. A Duchess removes her heirloom ring. Coronavirus has got us fucked up.