911 operators everywhere probably got calls from extremely upset tricks screaming, “I’d like to report a hate crime! Jennifer Coolidge was just played off by the band during her Emmys acceptance speech!”
Like Sheryl Lee Ralph, Jennifer Coolidge has been in the game for a while, but recently, she’s been getting some award love for stealing the spotlights in The White Lotus (and she even stole the spotlight from a CGI turd!). At last night’s Emmys, Jennifer was up for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Limited or Anthology Series or Movie, and unsurprisingly, she won that shit. While accepting her first Emmy, Jennifer Coolidge went full Jennifer Coolidge by talking about how a lavender bath gave her a case of the body swells, and when her speech went overtime and the band began to play her off, she begged them to stop and eventually decided that if you can’t beat ’em, dance to ’em!
The New York Post says that before Australian model Jessica Lee hopped on a flight home from Singapore, she bought a foot-long Subway sandwich at the airport. She ate half before she got on the plane, and saved the rest on the flight. Unfortunately, Jessica made two fatal errors: she didn’t end up finishing the sub (I get it, Subway sandwiches are extra-gross when they’re soggy), and she forgot to declare her leftovers when she got to Australian customs. Specifically, she did not declare that she was bringing chicken and lettuce into the country. Since Australia doesn’t fuck around with their bio-security laws, Jessica was fined $2,664 ($1,803 US)! I knew paying so little for those $5 foot-longs would come back to bite us in the ass! Thanks for paying our karmic debt, Jess.
Last month, British police announced that Kevin Spacey was being charged with four counts of sexual assault against three men. The only problem was that no one seemed to know where American Yucky was. He couldn’t be formally charged until he stepped foot in England or Wales, and it wasn’t completely clear what his current location was. London? Los Angeles? Florida? It was like playing a game of Carmen Sandiego, except instead of a charismatic criminal in a statement trench and hat, we were dealing with a maybe-missing 62-year-old Oscar winner with a history of creeping people out. Kevin finally materialized from wherever he was hiding and made his way to London, where he was formally presented with those charges.
Ezra Miller Deletes Their Instagram After Posting Memes Mocking Authorities Who Are Trying To Find Them
The Ezra Miller Has Allegedly Groomed A Child And Kidnapped Her Story has reached a darker and messier level. The 29-year-old star of DC’s The Flash has been accused of grooming Tokata Iron Eyes, beginning when Tokata was 12 years old. Tokata is 18 now. Tokata’s parents tried to collect their child from Ezra and filed a protective order against Ezra, but in a moment that gave me Surviving R. Kelly-vibes, Tokata instead sided with Ezra. No one has been able to track the pair, and now Ezra has taunted authorities on Instagram before deleting their account. I can only imagine how many emergency meetings those DC execs have been having lately over this trick. There must be a whole department at this point!
Princess Beatrice And Princess Eugenie Have Been Named In A Fraud Case Tied To Their Father Prince Andrew
Oh, those British royals – so relatable! I mean, who of us hasn’t found ourselves at one time or another caught up in our disgraced father’s alleged million-dollar fraud scheme involving a Turkish millionaire and our mom, Duchess Fergie? Wait, I only see Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie raising their hands. Huh, I guess that’s not exactly a common example of family bonding time. But it’s currently a thing that Bea and Genie get to talk about with their dad. Luckily, their dad already has a comprehensive relationship with his lawyers, so hopefully the Princesses can get this sorted out before their parents’ next money scandal.
Grimes Claims She Hacked And Blackmailed A Blog Back In The Day (Which Might Get Her In Trouble Today)
Grimes isn’t just an experimental cyberpop artist-turned-billionaire’s kids’ mother. According to Grimes herself, she’s also a skilled hacker who once brought down the popular blog Hipster Runoff. And that’s cool if you’re trying to impress Angelina Jolie and her sassy little haircut in Hackers. But if you’re someone who follows along with something like, oh, I don’t know, the law, then admitting you hacked and blackmailed a blog might not be the coolest thing to admit during a Vanity Fair YouTube video. Which is…exactly what Grimes did.