King Charles Poses With His Family, Queen Camilla, And The Future Kings In A New Series Of Portraits
Hot on the heels of his big crowning ceremony and concert that brought out the biggest and brightest in reality tv show hosts, King Charles has released his official portraits. You can’t have layer after layer of heavy, shiny shit put onto you without having it photographed for posterity. One portrait is of the whole gang, the next has him with the final boss of side pieces, Queen Camilla, and the other features two famous guest stars, both of his sausage fingers, Prince William and Prince George. Sadly, the true star of the Coronation, Sir Karl Jenkins, is nowhere in any of these portraits.
If you’re a Brit, then I’m sure your vocal cords are sore (and not in a sexy way) from loudly chanting that oath of allegiance to King Charles III on his Coronation Day. Or your vocal cords are sore from loudly snoring while sleeping through King Chuck’s Corny because you don’t give one shit about it. Whatever the case, King Charles and Queen Camilla’s bloomers filled with panty pudding royale today as they were crowned during the scaled-back three-day Coronation event that is costing British taxpayers ONLY $125 million. King Charles and Queen Camilla’s crowning ceremony happened at Westminster Abbey today and featured a spotlight-stealing cameo from little Prince Louis and a quick appearance by Prince Harry, whose ass is already on a plane back to California for his son Prince Archie’s fourth birthday.
FINALLY, we can all close our eyes tonight and drift into a worry-free sleep now that the question that has repeatedly punched us in the brains for eons has been answered. Today, Buckingham Palace burped up the answer to the world’s most important question, “Will Prince Harry and Meghan Markle go to King Chuck’s Corny in May?” Well, the tabloids only have to hire half the number of lip readers and body language experts they were planning to hire for King Charles’ Coronation because Prince Harry will be there, but Meghan Markle is skipping it. She will stay in California with their kids to celebrate their son Prince Archie’s 4th birthday, which is on the same day as the Coronation. That Coronation is probably going to turn into the longest game of dodgeball for Harry because he’s going to keep dodging Queen Camilla so that he doesn’t run into her and have to bow down to Queen Side Piece.