The Upcoming Book About Meghan Markle And Prince Harry’s “Revenge” Claims Duchess Camilla Is The One Who Initiated “That Conversation” About Baby Archie
The author of the EXPLOSIVE tell-
all some-carefully-selected-click-baity-headlines book, Revenge: Meghan, Harry and the War Between the Windsors, thinks he’s cracked the scandal of the century wide open by revealing that Duchess Camilla is the an allegedly racist member of the Royal Family who expressed concerns that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s then unborn son Archie might not be able to pass a paper bag test. More specifically, the author, Tom Bower, reports that Camilla asked Harry “Wouldn’t it be funny if your child had ginger Afro hair?” and that Harry initially laughed but that “subsequently, Meghan’s reaction to that conversation turned Harry’s amusement into fury.”
Unfortunately, Prince Andrew’s recent positive COVID-19 test result that caused him to miss THE QUEEN’s Jubilee Thanksgiving service did not result in a case of long covid. SkyNews reports that Andrew was well enough and eager to attend today’s Garter Day ceremony but was shut down by a “family decision” that he needs to keep his ass indoors. I know that’s right! The Queen didn’t make it through her entire Jubilee in one piece only to get taken out by a flying cabbage that had been lobbed at Andrew’s silly hat.
Since THE QUEEN decided that guests wishing to join her on the balcony for the Platinum Jubilee edition of Trooping the Colour needed to show two forms of ID and a pay-stub from The Firm, as expected, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were absent, and according to People, watched the festivities from The Major General’s Office where they “could be seen playfully entertaining various young royals” whose wrist muscles aren’t yet sufficiently developed to endure the rigors of sustained royal waving. However that was not a problem for the littlest royal Prince Louis whose enthusiastic wrist-flopping and face-pulling absolutely stole the show. The Royal Family hasn’t produced a ham this big since The Queen offered Peppa Pig a Damehood.
THE QUEEN’s activities have been under the microscope for the last few years. With her age, the loss of her husband, and the general messiness of the royal family (at this stage, there’s too many incidents to count), people have been wondering how she’s managing to keep it all together. Her secret? Skipping all the royal events! THE QUEEN has essentially said “Peace out, bitches” when it comes to public functions and her latest NON-appearance is at this year’s Royal Maundy Service. But guess who’ll be showing up? Prince Charles and Duchess Camilla! It’s like when you order a filet mignon and throw a sloppy joe in your face.
The NAACP Image Awards were on Saturday, and Prince Harry and Meghan Markle popped by to accept the President’s Award, which recognizes special achievement and distinguished public service. Past recipients of this award include Muhammad Ali, Jesse Jackson, LeBron James, Rihanna, and Spike Lee. Perfect! Now Harry has a sure-fire ice breaker the next time he finds himself awkwardly peeing beside Spike Lee in the Nobu men’s room.
On February 10, it was announced that 73-year-old Prince Charles caught COVID-19 for the second time in a year (he caught it the first time in March 2020). Some people probably threw a, “Can you taste that shit?”, side-eye at THE QUEEN as she sipped on her pre-lunchtime gin and Dubonnet because she was with Future King Charles just two days before. And on February 14, it was announced that 74-year-old Future Queen Consort Camilla tested positive for COVID-19 too (and this came after Duchess Camilla went maskless at an event on February 10). Well, today it was announced that Coronavirus is fucking with 95-year-old THE QUEEN as well because she’s tested positive (and this comes after she went maskless at an in-person meeting on February 16). QUICK, somebody tells THE QUEEN’s royal pooches to double mask up and stay away from all humans in the palace because Coronavirus is running through that shit.